What is “Being”? Being is a state of harmony & acceptance. Being can often describe our success in being optimal humans. We find being when we are in flow with our lives – when we reach a satisfaction where we aren’t looking for problems, or changes, or needing anyone’s approval (except our own.)

Being is often accompanied by a silence of the mind. We have very few thoughts.

Yet, in my opinion, this kind of being as a human is tricky, like balancing on a tipe rope. If you fall off, instead of “being”, you become complacent. Complacency settles in when you begin to live in a situation you dislike but rationalize or ignore all the signs that you need to make changes.

I think we can fall into complacency from both healthy, balanced lives as well as destructive or addictive lives. We all strive to create streams of familiarity, because it reminds of us home. Complacency is “too much familiarity” that turns into Groundhog’s Day.

You say, then, that “being” seems like a fairytale and this is exactly why I liken to to walking on a tight rope. “Moderation in all things” is such sage advice because it keeps us on the path. We accept there are days when we can walk that tight rope and that there are days when we fall. It makes it easier to climb back up and do it again ; we find our comfort and familiarity in this process, rather than in the end results and so home becomes more transient than fixed.

When I was very young, I learned that it was unwise to ignore any thought or emotion – always explain from whence it came. If you cannot, you dig and dig until you understand what created it.

How do we know when are “being” and when we are being complacent?

If we are often wondering “I’d rather be …”, then we are being complacent. I am wondering now whether all thoughts are a sign of complacency, or decoherence, like sparks caused by friction. This may be a good way to “think” about it.

My best times in life were when I “neglected” the work of Ex Inanis for a time before life went upside down (complacency) and brought me back. I need to find the right balance between both.

Thoughts are a sign of density – they drift all around the ground beneath the tight rope.

Being brings about a sense of knowing that does not seem to require questions or analysis or planning. You just DO and know that it is the way.

If we arguing with ourselves, or discussing, or planning, we are attempting to get to the root of our friction and solve it. We can recognize this is not an ideal state ; it is ripe for interference from Nonsense – but ignoring it is like limping along in a broken ship. If we can surrender to this “repairing” or “healing” process, though, we can shutdown most vectors for Nonsense.

Thoughts are indicators of what is going on inside. These aren’t the whispering of ego, or some otherworldly being. When the pieces of our life harmonize with our beliefs about ourselves, thoughts fall away. When there is a disconnect, thoughts return – helpfully – to let us know where the “irritation” is (hint: emotions do this too.)

Thoughts are a sign of dysfunction / decoherence. The thoughts themselves are not Nonsense, but are vectors for Nonsense to stifle you. Nonsense is when you try to justify meandering underneath the rope instead of doing what you need to climb back up.

There is a lot of bad advice out there, in my opinion, that encourages people to “over accept” ; we could call this Dysfunctional Acceptance, much like Dysfunctional Sovereignty. Acceptance includes accepting you are unhappy, or that there are experiences your soul is calling you to have. We do not want to glorify the “acceptance of suffering”, as this just creates enduring (Nonsense.)

Thoughts take care of themselves when your environment & life are in sync. They do not need to be managed or changed. They are not “wrong” or negative. They are feedback. They are indicators you have friction within your paradigm, but the thoughts themselves are perfect. We accept them and thank them for indicating to us where we need to improve.

I have made the mistake in the past for disregarding thoughts as “Nonsense”, but this act in itself was Nonsense ; we can become so strongly willed and convinced of our own preconceptions or righteousness, that we separate ourselves from ourselves.

This article does not address applying our action to a Context (world) we may also find unsatisfactory ; it can also be easy to think our desires are “too big” or “too pristine” for the world and decide instead that “doing nothing” seems to honor ourselves better than wading through hard circumstances (this is also Nonsense.)

To create the thoughts we desire, we must take action (only our individual hearts knows what “counts” here) ; we must move towards the ideal in our minds, otherwise the friction will continue.

The Uncertainty is the condition that is created when you are uncertain when your will is done. When you move your hand, or walk across the room, there is no uncertainty – your will has been done. When you cook a meal, or drive a car to a destination, even though there is a “delay” (a cooked meal, or being somewhere else), you can be “sure” your will has been done (perhaps not at 100% since you are probably not a expert cook or professional driver), even though you had to follow a ritual to do it.

The Uncertainty addresses all other acts of will that we cannot assess. For instance, you want a new car. You cannot snap your fingers and make this happen.

Manifestation literature attempts to describe the phenomenon that occurs when we make a Decision that cannot be seen through The Uncertainty that seems to arrive in our lives in a serendipitous or even downright miraculous fashion (when we are able to do the work the manifestation requires). This only has to happen a couple of times before you know “something is up.”

Much work is done on perfecting this process – which is the same work that all philosophers/spiritualists have done since the beginning of time (needs its own article), because “manifestation” is fundamental and intimately tied to the MVG/harmonic mind/Nirvana/etc. It is part of the natural world, whether that is physical or consciousness or otherwise.

Nonsense is what creates density, or gap/buffer and so manifestation always seems to occur in a kind of “outside in” way here on Earth. You have to “generate reality” (action) in order to provide a vector to “receiving.” You can include affirmations and thoughts as actions, but I find these are most suited to physical healing (of the body) or the mind (still experimenting, though.)

You might be able to cause something to happen through sheer determination by sitting in bed, but the verisimilitude of what you are trying to do would need to overcome the negligible vectors you have provided for it to arrive (how likely you/your unconscious feels about something happening while laying in bed in a private home).

You can try to convince yourself – as I once did – that if this power was true and complete, I should be able to create matter out of thin air ; I should be able to open portals, or slip dimensions. There shouldn’t be any abstract justification / metaphorical trickery. In other words, I should not be able to explain the phenomenon via conventional means. It should have no antecedent story ; it just becomes.

Even if we understand that our entire qualia/sensoria is an “appearance” and that to change it we just “stamp reality” with new thoughts/focus over and over, the reel that we are stamping has boundaries (verisimilitude.) The boundaries are the Wave, or the choices we have made that put us here and that would include the whole human condition or the Earthly realm.

Even if we intellectually understand that it should be possible, by our understanding of the mechanics of the universe, to summon a car out of thin air, we have to overcome the inertia of all our prior choices that said that was ridiculous.

Isn’t that a limiting belief, you say? If I just hold the belief that “there is no delay, I am a being like Q” for long enough, it would happen, you think? The problem is that we exist within the environment (Earth, your country, your city, your home, your own life, etc.) created by the Wave (our own choices) and environment is critical to maintaining our ability to focus on the new way of being that we desire.

If you could totally live in your imagination in one place of being a god for like “30 Earth days” (just a wild ass guess), then perhaps you could skip all story editing inbetween. But you’re going have to deal with: eating, bodily functions (including physical strain), visits from the Other, monetary obligations, and I am sure a slew of other “stories” that keep our reality functioning as it does. Never mind that the process itself would be strenuous ; go read about what happens to humans who live in extended periods of darkness.

Remind me to talk about UI / UX in another article.

I do not think we can brute force ourselves into a new paradigm, aside from perhaps death. It is a gradual process of recognizing what we want to change, integrating the change into our sense of self and then moving into it. There is a skill in recognizing how far we can take this. Then repeat.

So, then, what are “Tables”?

I liken the term Tables to playing multiple tables at a casino. You play a little on each one because you are not certain which one will be win.

This isn’t a perfect description, because we are not concerned with winning, per se. We are more concerned with providing the universe as many vectors as possible to deliver what we desire without taking a definitive position that might bar us from the best result (we want to avoid dead ends or complications that arise from bad assumptions.)

However, not taking a definitive position is not universal. You should attempt to find confidence whenever possible. We use Tables to address areas of our life where confidence is more or less impossible. We use Tables to address questions we cannot answer, or do not (yet) want to answer, or when there is a time component that is unavoidable.

We take advantage of the position of “I don’t know” and then consider all the answers we can conceive to the question we are having trouble with (or perhaps a change we are attempting to make, or a thing we want, etc.) Then we create a cross-section of those answers – and in that cross-section are all the tables we want to “play.“

Then we begin to alter our life to include as many of those tables as possible. We may introduce the tables one by one, rather than all at once. We continue until we receive clarification to make revisions, or arrive in the place we desire.

If death is an opportunity to wipe out all of our stories and start anew, then a lot of this work is moot. And it is comforting to think so. But this is a good example of a question we can’t answer whilst still waking up here day after day.

Yet even in the face of the unknown, we have to make decisions. You get up and have to face your life. What do you do? How do you inform your decision making process? Ex Inanis is about making this as intuitive and in-tune as possible with how the universe – or at least this place – works.

We don’t know what the consequences of death are ; we can see death as a transition, or a flip, like from one dream to another, but we won’t know until we are faced with it. The concept of death is strong in the human logos and it has a lot of inertia that has to be overcome.

We may be able to toss the whole script into the trash when we (if) die. But do you want to cultivate a mindset that you are just “waiting for death”, or do you want to try to build a stronger mind – a flexible mind – capable of dealing with any challenge? Why wait to be a better being? Freedom isn’t just raw detachment from the world ; it is the ability to engage with the world without being anchored into it. That requires a tremendous mind. This work should be part of our daily lives.

To continue the theme of the last post, when you ask the question: “What do you want?” don’t limit this to the material world.

You can ask for anything, including knowledge (any kind), confidence, motivation, focus, drive, being better with people … there is nothing that is off limits. You can even construct your own custom packages. You can get very specific or creative. You can put one desire into other, or add your own boundaries.

Authenticity will guide you there, no matter how bizarre. It may require a lot of work, but it will never lie to you.

This is why visualizing the life you want is so often repeated in manifestation resources, but it is very easy to get fixated on the physical elements and forget both the “doing” and the subtle.

If you are having trouble finding the material/qualia place you want, then simply change your intentions for a little while. Change the intention to: “What is blocking me? What do I need to learn? What do I need to release?“ or, perhaps get super meta – “What question do I need to ask?”

Don’t just keep stubbornly fantasying all the while resisting the changes the universe is trying to give you. Nonsense LOVES for you to reject the very things you asked for. You also have to allow.

You will be guided to your destination, as long you follow the Decide, Faith and Show Up process. I may also have to amend this to: “Decide, Know/Faith, Show Up & Allow.”

When I started on this journey, I answered the question of “What do you want?” with “freedom.” Or perhaps “world domination.” But these are all the same concepts: self-mastery.

This may have began as a childish fantasy about ruling over the world, but it transformed into a much higher wisdom of being free from experience ; or free *to* experience ; it is the heart of Ex Inanis, or “from nothing.” “Christ consciousness”, Nirvana, Heaven … fearlessness.

And I have been led on exactly that journey. I was thrown into the deep end of the metaphysical, esoteric and occult. There is no rabbit hole I didn’t crawl into.

And so here is the “warning” part.

Your every command is realized. We are perfect creators, but woefully imperfect in seeing what we have created (because of what I call The Uncertainty.)

I had no interest in material things: I wanted to dabble in the affair of gods. Hubris & complacency. Instead of creating a world to live in, I created a world to observe (and see how I was changing it). This is how powerful manifestation is.

But I was not a participant. I was more like a puppetmaster. I became a kind of, I dunno … lich.

You can create a “bubble” that forces the “out there” to bend around you, like Neo dodging bullets (I must have died a hundred times), but it is a dreary existence.

You can render The Other into lifeless dolls, because you’ve removed all of their autonomy and life with your own fears / judgments. You didn’t “allow” being or couldn’t embody it in yourself, so you annihilated it from existence. Hm, I wonder how many ways that could be physically represented. Is there anything like that in our world right now?

This is the power you are fucking with. Don’t believe me? Well, you will have to climb out of your own abyss.

Once again, the title of this blog is apt: “FROM NOTHING”, or the deliverance from nothing. I created a world of “nothing” to insulate me from the “everything.” Ex Inanis exists as much as a warning as a personal liberation.

Some of my other answers to: “What do you want?” have been: “a magical world ; a world not governed by physics ; a supernatural world.” Who thinks in cars, money or careers? Such paltry ambition.

Grand ambitions I think are possible, but we can never know just how much work we need to do ; we just have to assume – or have faith – and never stray.

I have been living in a kind of self-imposed isolation because I delved too deep. This journey of freedom I think ends in the same place: a desert (and a battle with a Balrog).

You will reach a plateu. You will have all the answers. All that is left is the practice – which requires a leap of faith.

The reason it is a desert is because the desert only ends when we decide that it does.

And there are only two exits out of the desert: We can follow our heart (no matter where it is leading), or we can go back and re-learn the same lessons a different way and repeat ad nauseum (return to the desert to face the choice again). The only way to change the heart is to satisfy it (or become dead to it). Refuse and you will gradually dissolve into nothing via Nonsense (entropy.)

This is such a powerful question.

When you feel that doubt, or malaise, or that inner “zombie” creeping up on you ; when you feel like falling back into old patterns ; when you feel like you are wasting time or “shouldn’t be doing this” ; you should trigger yourself to remember this question: “What do you want?”

You heart will answer this question. And shortly there after you will look upon your Wave – your life – and you will know exactly how to get it. That’s Authenticity ; that’s you going “ping!” and the universe handing you a map.

Any pings after the first are bullshit.

Here’s where we all fuck up.

Nonsense wanders in and says: “Hey, you don’t need that map. Let me tell you how to get everything you want.”

Whatever layers of Nonsense you have within you will attempt to talk you out of it. The more you identify with your Nonsense or trust it (perhaps you have externalized some of it in the Other, family, friends, organizations, or perhaps “yesterday”), the more you believe your own bullshit.

Positive, negative, neutral … Nonsense will go to town to convince you that you can’t have what you want. Your job isn’t to decide what your heart wants. Your heart is the apex, the center, the crest – it is the precise intersection point between “everything you are.”

Your heart is the ultimate “fact of you.”

Nonsense will attempt to convince you that you need to compromise, or be realistic. Maybe, even, there are aspects of truth to that. Nonsense loves to sprinkle truth into its lies.

Nonsense will weave whatever convincing tale you need, because YOU are letting Nonsense borrow your consciousness. And what is “your consciousness”?

That’s right. You’ve left the door wide open to your imagination room, you dope.

And what are you? You are an aspect of God – perhaps God itself. It doesn’t matter. We don’t need to know. It’s irrelevant.

Through you, Nonsense becomes the master storyteller, because YOU are the master storyteller. But the story isn’t woven all at once. It is eternal – ongoing – right now.

Here’s another secret too: Nonsense KNOWS you know that you know that you know that it knows … you know.

Nonsense will trick you into thinking that, well … I’m the big bad storyteller, so whatever I say goes ; I can achieve my heart’s desires whilst totally ignoring all these other choices I made. Except all those other choices are the VERY FABRIC OF REALITY.

Inevitably, your mistake here will be thinking that the world, or other people aren’t “you” – or aren’t the perfect representation of you. Nonsense’s ultimate goal (or result) is to put you in the victim mindset. This creates entropy, or non-experience (yep – it creates “more of itself” because what it is a kind of error or chaos ; it needs no personification.)

Your opinions, judgments, evaluations ; the relationships ; the patterns of how you react ; whatever. Again, the difference is irrelevant. (Nonsense wants you to get caught into this trap of specifics.)

It is critical to understand that you are exactly where you have chosen to be. Whether you literally spawn the rest of the world out of nothing, or all the world(s) exist somewhere out there and you just “move there”, it doesn’t matter.

The thread that connects all of it together over and over and over is your free will. You are the ultimate creator or the ultimate traveler ; perhaps both ; who cares!

If your world doesn’t resemble the world your heart desires, then Nonsense is still there, whispering in your ear. Then you know the work isn’t done, so you ask again: “What do you want?”

“God” spoke to me again, this time through a close friend who told me about confidence.

I’ve realized I’ve struggled with confidence all my life. Confidence of all kinds. My thinking mind felt like it needed “answers” before it could have confidence.

I’ve been here before.

The ironic thing about confidence is that we already have what we need. We already have everything we need to know and our challenges will always match our life at the time. When we accept this, we find confidence, even if we are NOT confident. Even if you “wanted more than you have”, you know that this is a Nonsense concept.

Confidence is a choice ; as in, the choice itself. Confidence needs no conditions. I don’t think it even matters whether you think that choice is right or wrong, or neither, as long as the choice is made.

Perhaps that is obvious to many, as the alternative is uncertainty or doubt, because a path hasn’t been picked. But some of us have glorified this place of non-decision – or at least I have – and all this creates is “more time.”

Our waking life is a quilt, or menagerie, or a cauldron of our choices all intersecting. Some of these intersections don’t work, some do, some just are. Confidence doesn’t derive from these choices ; confidence is the acceptance of these choices and it is the choice of “What’s next?”

Confidence is a plan, but it isn’t. Its a path you pick that’s “good enough” for now, because you trust yourself and just going to see where this goes.

So much wisdom and esoteric stuff is a farce. I realize the more and more I post to this blog, Ex Inanis is about the same synthesis or harmony of mind that the ancients describe and that all philosophers and spiritualists describe over and over and over.

Ex Inanis is my own expression of it and anytime we listen to another person – it is their expression of it, even if they aren’t a philosopher. Their own life stories are just more parables of the truth. You can’t unsee at after a point

The fundamental truth is always the same. It is the 3 blind men and the elephant (look it up.)

It isn’t like we don’t understand this seminal / unspoken wisdom – this wordless resonance of truth – it is like we need to reinterpret them for ourselves. But why? A good question. This is the source of our non-confidence.

We don’t need to surrender our authority to philosophers, or ancients, or spiritualists to understand the truth they are describing. Our heart hears it ; we can hear it there. We can trust our hearts. So, where does this non-confidence in our ability to grasp truth come from?

We get so caught up in words and meanings, attempting to make bridges and build connections. We keep building Towers of Babel and the universe/God/etc. keeps striking them down, because we’re missing the point.

The words and understandings will never be perfect. They aren’t describing phenomenon because all phenomenon is consciousness ; they’re just futility grasping at the truth we all desire.

Relationships aren’t built on words, or the material world. They are built on patience, faith and above all compassion. That’s all you need. You have to learn to see beyond the words and have confidence.

The magic happens with or without us. It happens without us when we resist, or doubt, or choose our expression to be Nonsense.

Free will is reaction, yet it is also participation – acceptance / allowance – the resistance chokes up the dream, causes a clog / suffering (Nonsense) ; a dragging of time to endure.

Fear is the wrench in the machine. Fear shows us everywhere the “endurance” is; fear is a kind of sludge, slowing things down. It was the repeated choice of fear that we are recognizing and deciding to choose better.

The world and ourselves are already one. We do not need to create special rituals or superhuman states of mind. This just demonstrates we are not trusting ourselves.

As much as I am loathe to admit, it is easier to understand that the “physical” is what it is without feeling separated by it ; this is much more conducive to the harmonic mind than attempting to rewrite it, just because we understand it is more consciousness than anything material.

We can grasp that it is derived from consciousness, but it doesn’t change its nature ; its truth is its own existence, or our own participation in it.

Rewriting it just means you don’t trust your own engine of creation. This is a kind of warping of the self to begin with. Being in that harmony is much more conducive to moving you towards some kind of“non physicalism” ; imperative even.

We only have the options in front of us. We can try to create new options through mind tricks, meditation, rituals … but these are things we think we need to do because we think our minds are not whole, or in need of fixing. We are rejecting what is already perfect ; we are creating a “non harmonic mind” instead of staying in center (confidence.)

it is a trick of Nonsense to create what isn’t there ; this just creates enduring ; the enduring creates all manners of Nonsense in doubt, confusion, etc. ; what was coming to you was already coming to you when you made the realization.

Centering is much harder to do when we are in suffering, but even in suffering we are where we are because we brought ourselves there ; the way out is exactly the same – acceptance/allowance, faith and persistence. We can try to dig out a mote of confidence in taking ownership of the suffering and continuing to make decisions ; not make “endurance” (fear.)

Once the realization is made, you can’t go back – but you can drag it out.

All decisions lead you to where you need to go. In this we find the confidence to “just go!”

Let’s talk a little bit about “manifestation.”

There is no doubt in my mind that there is a “eerie” correlation between consciousness and what we experience. We can say we are God, or aspects of God, or whatever you fancy, but it isn’t very helpful in a practical sense. Affirm this, visualize that, adjust your perspective … manifestation is inexorably tied to digging inside ourselves. But the “output” or the underlying motivation is all wrong.

This blog is for me a confessional as much as anything – a way to get it out and my own way of making sense of my life up to this point.

As I have been writing here everyday and as I have been making changes in my real life, there is a subtle pervasive truth that is rising to the surface: I suckered myself.

Everyone wants to talk about inner work and shadow work and such all the whilst somehow denying one of the fundamental truths manifestation often starts with – that the “external” is already a representation of themselves – whether by creation or alignment matters not. It is perfect. Asking for something that isn’t there is a kind of a tacit rejection ; a refusal to do the real shadow work you need to do. A rejection of the “matchmaker” or the “creation engine.” A rejection of God. A refusal to participate in your own creation! Why?

I often say, “Wherever you go, there you are” because we can’t run from ourselves. The work is the work regardless of your material realm.

An adventurer does not decline the adventure to spend years plotting out the perfect path, or cheating his way to the end. This sounds like that old adage about journeys and destination, but it is more.

I spent years figuring out the rules of the game but I suck at playing it. I’m a librarian who has no idea how to deal with his own world. As someone who has spent a good portion of his life playing video games, this isn’t even in-character. With video games, I love to dive in and figure it out as I go: that’s part of the fun, the exploration, the challenge …

When I try to apply this approach in real life, I’m paralyzed. I buried the fear behind logic & reason – behind digging for more esoteric truth. I fell into the trap believing that I just needed to change something “inside”, but that’s the damn trick – there is no inside & outside!

Who wants to “live” in their imagination? We can “know” that there is no difference between “real” and “imagination” yet even after years of trying, I can’t move a water bottle a few inches on pure imagination. I can create bizarre synchronicities, or material changes, but these are all “outside in.”

When we first “awaken” and see all the weirdness the universe can possess, like a dream, I think it is too easy to become enthralled by the possibilities and fall victim to a kind of Eternal Existentialism. We think we can “revise” ourselves into a perfect world … if we can just figure out that one more subtle thing, that one more elusive truth … it will transform everything. But it is bottomless. It is an abyss.

The revisions will never end. You will always find what you are looking for and you will always find new problems and new revisions. You’ve become your own dungeon master, constantly throwing challenges at yourself to teach yourself nothing at all except how long you can endure.

The best thing we can do is accept / allow / surrender. Reconnect with that flow and stop thinking how things need to change.

I’m learning that life is all relationships – I can’t believe how important they are. Friends, companions, co-workers … We are not meant to live in isolation – obvious knowledge to many, perhaps, but a hard one for me. If you are feeling alone, or separated, or feel like you are being pushed out, this is Nonsense walking you there. Don’t buy it’s bullshit.

If you feel like you need to run screaming into the night or retire to some deserted island, don’t do it – the peace you find will be fake and ephemeral. The Other is not the source of your fear – they are your salvation! Run towards them ; not away. Real peace is a kind of confidence … a way of letting go and swimming through the world.

I am tired of these talks about authority and sovereignty and such … I think Ex Inanis will be undergoing big revisions in the future, but for now I will just post.

There are no spiritual truths to be found in isolation other than isolation is NOT the answer. “Manifestation” already seamlessly works by just being ; it needs no greater apprehension on your part.

Any faults you find with the “game design” are just faults you are pointing out in yourself. Forget looking for the faults and just play.

I am thinking that the whole concept of manifestation is a quiet denial of The Other, and so – ourselves – becoming a vector for Nonsense. The whole idea of manifestation is like this “separate” process when it is holistic.

I am not even sure I like the concept of “The Other” anymore. Seems my Lexicon may be in a dire need of editing.

This whole reality just seems to about learning to let go / surrender.

Life must be lived, even when it is terrifying. And I know it gets easier the more you try. Anything else is just a slow, entropic death through rejection.