God – Cosmos, Source, Paradox – whatever word you wish to use … We will use God for the remainder of the article. You do not necessarily need to personify God in this context. God can simply be “everything that is or could be.“ God can be “creation.” God could be the “whole you.” Or, if you prefer, God can be a loving parent ; whatever definition seems to resonate with you.

The concept of God is seminal, or primal and you understand what I mean even if your “contextual” self wants to argue.

God speaks to you through the portrayal of your life – of the entire universe. God is always speaking to you. God is a chatterbox! Because God is synonymous with love and love is the foundation of all creation. Love is always coming back to get you – when you run, you just hurt yourself, like a child out of control. God is there to pick you up and set you back straight, even when you think otherwise.

It isn’t enough to know this on an intellectual level. You can pretend to know that the universe is born from within – that it is a emanation of consciousness, whether from yourself, or from God’s hands. It doesn’t matter. As a human, you will never answer these questions any deeper. If you attempt to do so, you will find the answers you receive to be recursive and bottomless. I know – I tried.

The questions themselves are sufficient knowledge. That is why we have concepts like belief and faith and why these concepts are often so treasured. It can be easy to disregard them or associate them with fanaticism or perhaps naivety, but this is a terrible mistake. They are fundamental to operating – as a new friend of mine told me – “an optimal level.”

Comprehending God cannot be done in a purely intellectual way. This does nothing for your belief and belief is fundamental to operating your life. A belief is forged, like a sword. It requires a action, a commitment and some pressure. God doesn’t want this to be a painful process – a sword feels no pain as it is hammered or thrust into the furnace.

You are here to be forged by God. Or if this is too much, you are here to provide experience to God. Again, I told you, you do not need to personify God. You can just as easily believe God is you and the outcome is the same. The wisdom hasn’t changed at all.

When you do not trust God, or reject God, is when the process becomes painful. Suffering is born from this rejection or denial, because it is a denial of your own creation. It is a “Nonsense” ; an impossible state ; a twisting / tension of reality.

Today, I was wrestling with whether to go to the gym or not. I was in pain and wasn’t sure if this would make it worse. But I said “fuck it.” There is great power in fuck it, but I will talk about that another time.

I ran for a little while on the treadmill. I weighed whether I wanted to use the hot tub and for a moment almost decided I would just go home – but said fuck it again.

When I got to the tub, it had quite a few people – and I have been going through such transformation in the last few months, it is a victory just to have gotten as far as getting a pair of swim trunks and approaching that tub. But I said fuck it again and got in.

Then the most unbelievable thing happened.

An older gentlemen struck up a conversation with me and it was such a deep, profound conversation that I knew this was not some normal run of the mill encounter. We talked about Christ, God, compassion, the Secret, manifestation ; I am not sure what we didn’t talk about!

I include this story today because it almost didn’t happen. I could have stayed home and did nothing ; perhaps taken some pain pills. But I know where the path leads

I know that on some level the syncroncities that have been happening are because I decided to stop being complacent and listen to “God” who was telling me to “get busy living or get busy dying!“

Listen: God talks to you through other people. No matter what you are doing, God is talking. When you are drawn to watch something, or listen to someone, or talk to someone … pay attention. Don’t be unconscious about it.

When someone is complaining about something, or is inspired by something, or whatever it is – you need to listen. It can be a movie, a YouTube video, a song … ANYTHING! Especially when it comes to people. Don’t just disregard it as them talking about “their” life. They are talking about YOUR life too, you just need to LISTEN.

Our thoughts arise from within us, like air bubbling to the surface of water. The thoughts are not “us”, yet they do point to the source of that “air” that is us.

That air comes from our foundation. The thoughts are more like mangled remnants by the time they reach us, though ; almost useless. Thoughts try to describe truths that our minds cannot hold all at once. They are “pointers” to much larger blocks. As humans, we have to deal with abstracts and faith to make use of these thoughts.

We shouldn’t assign any meaning to thoughts that we don’t desire. We recognize they are “ours” – or at least that they are there if you wish to remain more open to their source – but they are “out of service” or not informative. Meaning construction is an important concept I need to write about and it isn’t restricted to thoughts.

I’ve been hearing this term “mental diet” and it is a good one. I need to read a whole lot more Goddard, because he has great subtle ways of perspective that are transformative.

Our efforts should be focused on changing this foundation so that the thoughts that bubble up are the thoughts that we want, rather than battling thoughts that do not serve us. We want to ask ourselves to be supportive and encouraging, not afraid or doubting. The diet should feed itself, in other words.

Imagine thoughts that don’t question, or doubt, or plan. They don’t worry how long something will take or what issues you are dealing with. They just tell you: “You got this! Go for it!” We want to eliminate “buts” and “shoulds” in a way that aligns with heart/body/mind. We do NOT want to create willful ignorance, apathy, or denial.

We want to address the root of the environment – not be on cleanup duty at all times, or “eating” all the time. Consumption of any kind is a warning that we are lopsided towards complacency. We have to do these things, because that’s where we are in our development, but we can recognize this is not the “ideal.” I think we are all tired of this janitor duty.

I emphasize the warning of becoming complacent simply because you master aspects of this process. If you are not reinvesting into “the work”, it will fade just as surely as anything else does. If you are a true adept of this work, are you prepared to live a life of luxury and trust that you would not be consumed by it? We can and should cultivate our environment as much as possible to this work, but that does not always mean fulfilling every desire.

This blog is a commitment to the work, because I got tired of falling off the wagon and re-learning shit over and over. I am learning to distinguish true desires from wasteful consumption or distraction.

Each of our Waves is different. Each Wave has its own challenges and own ‘shadow elements.’ The “mental diet” is the beginning, but we must still do the work. It is a process. A persistence.

We can “unpackage” thoughts by sitting with them and digging at them. This is how we do the inner-work – we attempt to create a holistic verisimilitude of “self” that we want.

It is the contention of Ex Inanis that this “self” over the development of the self/soul is the same self for all ; it is the “MVG”, or minimum viable god. Our Waves would still be different, but our “selves” would become more like players in a video game ; able to assume avatars (and realms) at will.

This creates a “continuum” of players that play for all time. In this way, we are very much in this together – we are “one” yet we are also ourselves.

This is an important revelation, because we understand the Other does not need to be in competition with us. Using powers to create division or competition just creates those things in our qualia to experience.

When The Other is an ally and not an obstacle, this brings us towards unity, or the connection to our qualia and our connection to The Other. This reduces Nonsense because now we are fully living within ourselves both in mind and “world.” Cooperation crushes competition. We are rallying our whole world to our cause, realizing that all of our causes are really the same. This is the death of the survival mind – the survival mind has a “plateau” that it cannot ascend past.

I coined the term Dysfunctional Sovereignty because I thought I had figured it out.

Sovereignty is how well adjusted you are to your Wave ; the “breadth of your power.” Dysfunctional Sovereignty is the distension of this power, like butter over too much bread.

I am writing about it, because I am in the process of overcoming it ; to reclaiming Sovereignty, or building it back stronger. While we may imagine ourselves to be godlike – and we are – there must be an accounting for potential, or surprise. I have talked about potential and we know that it is a requirement for the universe to even exist. Entropy is the devouter of all universes without potential.

Perfection is non-existence – it is Nonsense – and so, as part of being gods, but less than “GOD”, we accept that we need limitations to have experience at all. This means we can make mistakes, or if this word is too potent, we can “change our minds.” The Uncertainy, though, means we must still be able to deal with our Wave as it departs, no matter how certain we are. We really must have the faith of saints.

On a long enough time line, there will be a surprise in your life that is not pleasant. If you do not have the paradigm to deal with it, great powers of manifestation will become a crucible very quickly. I am reminded of Michael Crichton’s “Sphere” – the movie at least. I never read the book.

The inhabitants of a deep space station come into contact with an alien artifact that manifests their thoughts into form ; the crew almost kills themselves and destroys the station because they did not have the right apparatus to deal with such a power.

Anyone claiming to have conquered the delay/gap of will/result need only demonstrate matter construction, flight, telekinesis, and so on – I would be more than happy to believe it. Yes, belief is a fundamental of the craft, but belief is built & molded upon a bedrock of contemplation & practice ; you do not build your house on a swamp.

Summoning trinkets and money seems irrelevant to true freedom ; to establishing what those “minimum viable” concepts are that we wish to keep forever.

If you can stand in your power and not wobble under any external stimulus, I applaud you.

I tried for years to “skip” timelines or find a portal there. I’ve done deep, crazy meditations. Experienced all sorts of weirdness and “coincidence.” I’ve had dreams that were “as real” or “more real” than waking reality. Yeah, that’s right – more real. I can’t even describe it except that it was like having no peripheral vision ; the world was more vibrant ; it felt more like “home” than here. I want to go back there.

Experiences like these will inflate your “ego.” Look how much power I have! There is nothing out of my reach. I can discard the whole world!

And so you fly like the fabled Icarus. Without the proper mind to wield this power, your wings are of feathers and wax. You can glimpse the version of you that can hold these places, but have no idea how to hold it through gap/buffer. Your cohesion will buckle under the infinite maw that is above your current experience and throw you back to the ground you had before.

But as I said in the last post, you cannot lie to your heart. It holds more than what you can conceive. You are a speck channeling awesome power into a single point, like an iceberg. This is why we do shadow work – to dig out the bits of us that we want to release. This builds a new ground for us to launch from.

Before experiencing a kidney stone, there were depths of pain I had no idea were possible for a human to experience. Hubris & complacency is what kills gods.

Maybe you could “hop” into a different version of you with everything you want, but this strikes me as a devil’s bargain bought with amnesia. It would kind of like giving up. But that’s what death is ; that’s what reincarnation is. At some point, your soul becomes sick of it.

If you want to maintain a continuum – to align to other beings of such a continuum – to build that immortal soul – it is much trickier.

This is the kind of work that should be done with infinite patience, as well as a lot of humbleness. If all you wish is to manifest mundane things, then more power to you. When you step into the metaphysical and the abstract – to obtain true freedom – to create reality on demand – you are a true adept.

When you begin to apprehend the nature of the universe (you have experienced synchronicities, weirdness, Mandela Effects, etc.) and put into practice what you know, Nonsense will always respond to you with “but it isn’t!”

As soon as you argue, YOU HAVE LOST.

Every success story began with a lie we told ourselves to make it happen. A quiet rejection of the world ; crossing our fingers behind our back ; while we just nod and accept the “apparent” world while we wait for things to “catch up.” Even The Other is part of this and seems to catch up with us.

Sometimes we have to grit our teeth, because even appearances can hurt.

Should the universe work this way? Ex Inanis has no official view, because I believe we are better off molding ourselves like ice (solid but mutable) rather than taking strong positions, but I do believe the “normal” universe does not work this way.

The “normal” is what we understand as something like Heaven, where will & result are immediate. We are living in a universe that mirrors our choices back at us and inverts the relationship between will / result. Perhaps it is like opening a word-editor to the soul, or perhaps we are learning to become more than we are – these things I cannot answer.

Ex Inanis is not about providing these answers, but feeling out the “rules” and learning to maximize our experience while we are here. That is, to maximize joy and minimize suffering.

By nature of the universe, we know that our consciousness plays a critical part. This is true for any paradigm, but especially anything that derives out of subjective idealism.

If we were true masters of this craft, there would be no need to study it. There would be no need to practice. We would have already arrived. None of us would need to be here sharing this experience. There would be no doubt! If we had arrived, we would be like players in an online video game – knowing we are players and knowing how to play. But that isn’t the experience here. We have to deal with the “human equation” until we don’t.

What I have learned in the last few months is that there is nothing we can do except take each moment as it arrives and anything else is an illusion of Nonsense. That which is one step outside of that immediate “breath” of life is fake. This is a hard concept to convey, even as there is a lot of material these days about it. It is inexorably tied up with Momentum’s Requiem, the fading of the Wave and the Nonsense that blinds us from the choices we keep renewing.

I often say there are no yesterdays and no tomorrows, yet this is not meant to make us irresponsible. It is meant to be a way to remind us where to keep our throne – that in each moment, we are making a Decision that is put back into the Wave. The Decision is meant to be a wrapper for all the things you need to do/align to realize the Decision. You already “know” these things, because your gut aligns you to the Decision.

The Wave always comes back around, so the sooner you start putting what you want in it, the sooner you will see results. Groundhog’s Day is our eternal enemy – becoming a zombie, or complacent – too much pride or confidence, especially, is not advisable.

In theory, a simple Decision should work to alter the entire world – I have some experience with this. Knowing our imagination is real, we can do any amount of “ritual” within that space yet this method seems impersonal, disconnected and not as effective as engaging fully within the world that is arising around you. We know this has something to do with “unity” or the recognition that the physical world, The Others within, are all products of ourselves (whether by creation or alignment); but a true adherent knows the rabbit hole goes much deeper.

Thinking we can “move by standing still”, we are creating a kind of denial that our heart knows about. It knows we are trying to trick it. “You know the ‘out there’ is ‘in there’, but you are trying to find some loop hole! I’m on to, human!“ This isn’t to say there isn’t real power in visualization, thinking positive, affirmations – there is – yet we have a sense of “moment” when a Decision is made and the more powerful the movement appears, the more ripples it seems to have.

This “movement without movement” method led the implosion of my life because I had become too complacent with Ex Inanis. I was waiting, waiting, and waiting for the world to “catch up” as it had before, but something was awry. You will think you can just keep digging deeper, but this a trick of Nonsense. You will find yourself to be bottomless.

Until you engage in that Deciding, Faith, Showing Up process, you are atrophying.

I had created a real kind of bizarre stasis field and caused the world to move around it. That in itself is cool – like dodging a tornado that wrecks the rest of your neighborhood – but it isn’t getting you any closer to what your heart desires.

Some old wisdom is good here: without risk, there is no gain. Its a truth of this inverted world. It is another way of saying “have faith.”

There’s that old saying: What would you do if you have a million dollars?

But this is the wrong question.

It gets us too focused on the numbers. At least it does for me. I start planning it all out and spending each dollar in an efficient manner. That’s because I’m a bonehead and always have been. My Authenticity has long been lopsided towards the “mind” aspect.

You know what Ex Inanis is? It is a system for those of us who use our heads too much so we can get out of it, or to get better balanced with it, or to shut it up entirely.

Let’s rephrase it: What would you do if money wasn’t a factor in your decision making process?

This screws up our thinking big time, because we respond: “Well money is involved in everything!“ You will get stuck trying to resolve what you want with what you “have to do”, but the “have to do” part is the lie. Rather, it is your fears that prevent you from seeing that what you “don’t want to do” is actually exactly what you want to do.

The point of the exercise is to reduce your life down to all the things that you don’t want to “throw away.” What is “not optional” to you? When you figure it out, then how to get there doesn’t matter. You make The Motions ; the Motions are not “you.” What is important to you, is you.

Even if you’re rich, you have to live with yourself everyday. You have to deal with your thoughts and emotions no matter what, no matter where you are on Earth. You have to wake up and make decisions on what to do with your day. If you’re rich, how long would you indulge in mindless materialism before it imploded your life? But who am I to judge ; it could be that mindless materialism is exactly what your soul calling is! And that’s the point …

No one can tell you what your path is. YOU have to figure it out and then go after it. You won’t know if it is the path until you are on it. I am finding that confidence and trust are basically synonymous. You *know* what you want – you just aren’t trusting yourself to get it. You see all the obstacles, but this is a trick of Nonsense. They seem to stretch out to forever, but they’re just a blip.

That very first thing you want to say? To do? That’s the right thing. I used to think it wasn’t as clear as this, but it is. It pops in like a flash and pops out just as quick ; then Nonsense starts discussing or arguing. This is purely intellectual until you actually start practicing it. It is like a muscle.

You find reserves of power and life seems to reorganize beneath your feet. What was terrifying before now is somehow fun. How the fuck does that work? If it is “out there” and it seems like a road block, you are “seeing” an challenge/anomaly within your own consciousness. That’s how it is represented to you.

The obstacles are illusionary. They disappear when you start making moves. You can see it in small things when you “decide” – when you really put your foot down and follow through. We have a habit of torturing ourselves to get to that point, though, rather than just dealing with what seems scary or something we think is “not us.” That ladder part is a good trick of Nonsense ; we decide that this or that is too incompatible with our sense of “self” so we rationalize that what we’ve been doing over and over and over (and not working) must mean there is some other problem with ourselves (or the world.), but it is this false self that gets in the way of allowing you to get where you want to go. Some call that ego and that’s fine ; to me it seemed much more illusive.

Yesterday, I decided to message an old friend. I had thought about doing it before a number of times, but always talked myself out of it. In tribute to “disarming momentum” and a middle finger to Nonsense, I messaged this person and had a wonderful reunion, that has revealed to me so many more paths forward that I couldn’t see before.

Today, I could tell I was in the middle of making another decision and Nonsense being fierce trying to argue me out of it. Nonsense has never been so fierce in my life ; been crippling me with anxiety, but I know this is my fault for letting it get here. The anxiety has been relieving every time I listened to my gut and followed through.

I threw caution to the wind and gave into the gut feeling I had. Today, I decided I am going to close down the business I have been running since 2012 to pursue goals I have been putting off for far too long. With the whirlwind of the last weeks – and certainly last months – I know this is part of a healing process. I can’t go back to the way I used to do things ; that life is dead.

Ex Inanis is going to be a repository of my new life ; I never imagined that just following through with this site for a few days would cause such massive changes within myself. I will be migrating the site to a better blogging platform, but will continue posting until I have time to do that.

Ex Inanis has a strong relationship with subjective idealism ; meaning that reality comes forth from consciousness. The primary things that led me to this path were the fear of death and an obsession with creating a whole, sensible fictional world which led me down an endless rabbit hole of asking hard questions about “our reality. This post is not about those events, though.

As I have just realized (as I was practicing this new “exhausting Nonsense” concept yesterday), for an adept of Ex Inanis, the apparent subjective reality that arises from you is objective reality to you. This is very subtle. The objective is “within” the subjective, but as we have often talked about managing two worlds, we alter the subjective to create the objective, which while we recognize is a shadow or illusion of the subjective, cannot be rejected (making it a kind of faux objective) ; it must be accepted/allowed/experienced.

In understanding this, we come a little closer to existing with flow with ourselves without abandoning our inner knowing of the greater subjective experience/meta ; we are able to more smoothly operate in a world that we know is generated by its participants and so is not actually objective, but we treat it is as such because this represents an act of trust / faith which kills Nonsense. We trust the processes that “matchmake” everything together and how it arises from us absolutely.

When you truly commit yourself to a paradigm, it will reveal its truths to you, as well as its challenges / obstacles. There is no other way ; if you wish to know the ways of any perspective, it requires absolute commitment.

As I spoke of in the last post, Authenticity is an alignment of the self, which lights the way; it is the intersection of Mind & Body & Heart/Soul.

The Body, in my opinion/life, has been the hardest to integrate by far. The mind came effortlessly to me since a kid ; the heart/spirit followed very shortly afterwards ; and I have been struggling with the body ever since.

The Body requires a very advanced understanding of unity/qualia from an adept of subjective idealism. You must account for how everything is arising there, while not giving away all of your self sovereignty or becoming a tyrant. Everything in the ”physical” is there to produce “something” that is “you.“

If you become fixated on the idea that you are “in your body”, then you will need to deal with the associated conditions of this. Hell is produced from extreme fixations of this perspective. This is why is is Hell is often portrayed as flesh, bone, blood, and fire. Body fixation is too much stimulus, or hypersensitivity. A great way to trap a being is to believe they are stuck in a body. Fixation = fear. I might write about that. I think even small amounts of fixation may be fear, as they diminish flow/Wonderment (talk about that below.)

The human body is just a conduit, or the physical manifestation of ‘sensation’ – it is how we “receive feeling”, yet is has nothing to do with ‘us’ – it is not a ‘physical thing outside’ – but we can become sick (as in spiritually) by becoming too fixated upon these ideas of “how feeling is experienced” which we mistake “for the body.” This can be then manifested “in the physical body” but its true cause is something else altogether. The “motions we make” to heal the body are only part of the equation ; we have to identify what within us is causing these things.

The Other is also an incredible challenge for figuring out “The Body” question, but I will talk about that in another post.

As you practice believing you are not in the body, your perspective pulls back ; you start to feel “you” within the things “out there.” This moves us towards I call Wonderment/Unity. If you can remember how you looked at the world when it was ‘brand new’ in a fearless/adventure kind of way, like a kid, you are experiencing one of the conditions that Ex Inanis aims to effortlessly produce 24/7.

What I have realized on the other end of this experience in March (2022) to now as many of my inhibitions wither one by one is that I am coming into the reality that I only intellectually understood before – that “I” and the world are one. I think I am “forcing myself” into the world I created.

Since everything arises out of me, there is no reason to mistrust it ; it shows the perfect path/opportunities all the time. Even if make “mistakes” or must endure something I “dislike”, the “mistakes/dislike” were “within me” and would have to be dealt with regardless ; so there is no reason to never react in joy as much as possible. Irritation, disdain, apathy ; this is all Nonsense ; Nonsense is putting a barrier between you and what you want ; it is hiding the lessons you need to get what you want. You are always improving yourself ; moving towards the ideals/Home you “know” within (and this is different for everyone.)

Reasoning or arguing that what has been produced is not right/imperfect, or holding judgments about it and so on – just creates those things. It is an abuse of Will ; it is Nonsense borrowing your sacred creation space. We have to differentiate the “thrust of Wave” that is generated from what we hold (true choices) from “false choices” which are “pawing at the mirror.”

As we more towards this wholeness / Wonderment, everything becomes more optional ; we “feel” what we want to feel in the flow of the moment and discard the rest. Will / result becomes faster.