I had forgotten how much I love the movie Hook, from start to finish. I resonate with this story so much that it is absurd. From the story of Peter having an intense fear of death, to “devolving to an adult” and forgetting who he is, to finding a reason to be and to becoming the embodiment of the child (and of course the wonderful music score.)

Man of La Mancha, Baron Munchausen, Vito Cornelius – these are my heroes. They are so iconic to me as embodiment of Ex Inanis.

Somewhere along the way, I got lead astray from my own work.

If I had to hazard a guess when this happened, it was when I reached the end of Ex Inanis. I have been here before. Do you know where it leads?

Ex Inanis showed me that this world is a dream and we are all children who have been fooled into thinking we are adults.

I remembered my inner-child and felt intense abandonment. I was in a world surrounded by adults. I began looking for similar philosophies / people to not feel so alone.

This lead me to a lot of New Age teachings, plus a handful of other fringe people, because it seemed like no one else was even coming close to the truth.

The longer I neglected my own work and settled for “substitute work”, the more I “forgot” the truths I had discovered. The more I slipped into being an adult. I had forgot the stories that I needed to tell myself to understand the truth (I had lost my marbles!)

We can never use the works of The Other as anything other than springboards for our own enlightenment. This will always lead to disaster.

A great many lessons have been learned to bring Ex Inanis to a closer state of “completion.” A recent revelation/re-remembrance is this: without yesterday or tomorrow, there is no “now.” There’s that synthesis again.

The now is a synthesis of yesterday and tomorrow. You need a future in order to invest into this “now” moment and you need yesterday to make it meaningful. If there is nothing to look forward to then you are in a state of self denial, or under a very clever spell to keep you confused.

I know, because I’ve been there. For a really long time. I got tricked into being an “adult.” All of us have.

By simply remembering moments in our life that we enjoyed – even just one “happy thought” – we can dispel the notion that we have been abandoned. We know that even in a world that seems like it has nothing for us, we were able to find happiness. That means we can find it again.

Without this synthesis, there is no potential. There is no god. There is no inner-child.

“Now” is an incomplete concept which I accepted into my own work for quite some time. In polarity terms, neutrality cannot exist either without positive or negative. This is all part of the comprehension of the whole – of unity.

What happens when you stubbornly try to exist without a yesterday or a tomorrow? If you reject yesterday, you create resistance & suppression that eats away at you. If you reject tomorrow, you remove you reasons for making choices, or creating life at all.

You cannot create happiness “in a void” – this is Nonsense. This is “ADULTHOOD.” You might call this dysfunctional being.

It is an anti-being, because it misunderstands the nature of appearances. We cannot abdicate our responsibility from which these appearances arise, otherwise we are attempting to detach ourselves from ourselves (Nonsense.)

The world is part of us and we are part of the world. There is no “inside” and “outside.” When inside & outside synthesize, they create “qualia (experience).”

As we progress on this journey, there is nothing informatively helpful by believing there is any inside or outside at all. This is the true graduation and leap of faith. This is unity. This is the emergence of the dream (Welcome to Never Never Land.)

No inside, you say? That’s right. Do you truly understand this implication?

When Peter remembers his happy thought is his children, he is remembering potential – he is remembering his unity, his connection to God/Source!

The informative position to make use of this knowledge is to treat the world and everything in it as if it is part of you. And do you see? And how do you treat yourself?

That is all for now. Bangarang!

This idea of constant soul/individual growth is dysfunctional and non-sustainable. It is entropic.

There is no time. We are playing in this “now moment” for all time. Our experience is a Wave that is always changing (which gives us the variance of experience), but “we” are complete and whole.

That all choices are recorded – to serve as further fuel for everyone to use in their decision-making / creation – is quite different from souls that are “always expanding.”

What our lives would be like if all wishes were fulfilled? No experiences are more or less valid than others. The world often gives weight to suffering, elevating it above other experiences. It creates an imbalance/disharmony (a disturbance in the force.) If experiences were weighted, this would create entropy.

“We” are not expanding. God/Source is expanding as this is a requisite to create eternity. God holds all the imagination/potential of everyone and everyone connects to God to create/experience.

When an experience is weighted, all other experiences are forced into service of the heavier ones ; imagine a pit, a pyramid, or a black hole – the densest point sucks in everything else. Entropy.

This means all the traditional “negative experiences” are derived from a choice. Choices no one would make (“if they didn’t have to” – which gives us a clue.)

Pain, fear, suffering – these are from disconnection from God/Source. They are reminders on how to reconnect to God – “To the Source” – to that which gives us life.

These negative experiences might stem from a low-cohesion consciousness, which suggests we are fledgling souls, or souls-in-rehab (or lightworkers on a mission). We don’t need to know. Our “waves” seem to be creating an interference with our God connection.

DO YOU THINK BEING MISERABLE OR DEPRESSED IS “NATURAL”? THIS IS AN ABSENCE OF LIFE. That is how it manifests. It is the story you need to explain what you are experiencing.

A total absence of life does not exist – it is nonsense. The closer to “total nonsense” you come, the more suffering you experience. That we can even experience this ping-pong of of life to anti-life is what is “wrong.” It is a neurosis of consciousness. There is ONLY LIFE.

“Pain is weakness leaving the body”, or “Suffering is the darkness being purged from your body as you realign to God.”

It requires a lack of imagination to think we would somehow exhaust our ability to create or experience and so need these life upheavals / reversals. Seeing as how we would all be having our wishes fulfilled, there would be a constant stream of creation and new things to do.

Limitations are imperative in order for experience to exist. They are divine and allow the cosmos to function. We can easily imagine sets of limitations that never experience suffering and are completely stable. If we just kept expanding, we would annihilate ourselves.

Being fearless does not mean we are perfect. Fearlessness is playfulness!

Having a good attitude about overcoming adversity is one thing, but elevating suffering “into the divine” rubs me wrong. We should not put suffering on a pedestal as a coping mechanism. This is like idealizing a disconnection from God. This is not the basis of any kind of paradigm/belief system.

It is like trying to unplug yourself from yourself, which is an impossibility. It is complete nonsense and so creates nonsense (suffering) within yourself to experience. The suffering physically manifests in whatever way you need to “explain the suffering” in a believable way because it is INCOMPREHENSIBLE. That is the nature of the beast. This is why I call it Nonsense ; it is a glitch with no fixed state ; it is raw chaos. You create the story to “remain whole” because there is no other “story” that would explain “nonsense” to you.

It is a vile twisting of realities. We do this to ourselves to “wake up.”

Does joy not expand the soul? Does tranquility not expand the soul? Does not hate? Do not vice and indulgences also expand the soul? Yet we always somehow choose to move ourselves away from suffering if we can, because it is not natural. It is so primal within us to avoid suffering that this should be the biggest clue we have. Overcoming this primal revulsion to suffering requires extreme states of mind and paradigms – “masochism” is a pejorative.

Suffering = varying degrees of denial of experience/qualia and your connection to it.

Even a masochist must transform/transmute suffering into a PLEASURE, or a JOY – meaning suffering is still something that is antithetical to their nature! A masochist does not “hold their suffering” like we can hold peace or joy or even anger or hate – because suffering is complete NONSENSE/disconnection. You cannot “remain in suffering” because you are always wanting to get out of it – masochism is a desperate transmutation of suffering to reconnect to God.

Suffering exists, we acknowledge it and do our best to reduce it or overcome it. We do not need to deify it.

We have become so sensitized to suffering that we don’t even want to touch it – we are afraid of reconnecting to God – and instead bend our whole civilization around it – creating massive collective resistance that manifests it. Humans have elevated suffering to the divine and this is how consciousness can be hijacked to feed the dark gestalt / parasites / low-consciousness patterns / etc. that cannot exist otherwise.

This post could go on forever and I need to attend to other tasks. I’m going to put this up so I can think about it / work on in down the road. Lots of good subtle information here.

As always, use your own discernment, but my opinion is that this “constant expansion of the soul” idea needs revising.

Continuing to come back into things I figured out years ago. Feels like this whole year I have been reassembling / re-doing work I already did. I’m done pretending that I am not upset about this.

We already know that there is no such thing as polarity. However, for the sake of this Earthly discussion, we will use terms of polarity to help deliver an understanding.

Synthesis is the concept of putting together positive & negative polarities to create a third state (neutrality), which we might consider love, which we might consider god/potential, Source, etc. This is the ability to hold contradictory concepts in order for them to become their idealized form. We will come back to this.

Why is this such a critical concept?

This year has been a brutal reminder that if you lean too far into either spectrum – negative OR positive – you are going to have a bad time. This causes the Wave to lose integrity / destabilize, like a spinning top that starts to wobble.

This year I remembered what happens when you lean way too far into the positive spectrum.

While extremes on both end will dampen your connection to God (this is your ability to enjoy life), the negative & positive polarities cause interference in different ways.

People are probably more familiar with what happens with excessive negativity. Excessive negativity will cause you to become excessively individualistic. This will make you prioritize your Wave concerns to the detriment of The Other. At the very extreme, you will start to believe The Other doesn’t exist at all. The Other are just puppets of your will.

The positive side will cause you to self-sacrifice and over-tolerate. You will become a wet noodle. It will become hard to set boundaries and you will have an annoying habit of taking all the blame and burden upon yourself.

In actuality, it is what we accept as the positive spectrum that leads to the victim complex. This will be explained.

The negative spectrum provides critical components in cohesion/integrity (boundaries) – so even if you are a crappy person, you will tend to be a more “stable” person.

Happy-go-lucky people tend to be neurotic or dysfunctional. There is a reason – they have no personal sovereignty.

Happiness, joy, tranquility and so on do not provide integrity on their own.

The positive & negative are intended to work together to provide ideal experience / life. Yin/yang, etc. Now, remember, there is a reason Ex Inanis denies polarity, because it is a more limited way of thinking. However, sometimes we forget, so we use the terms of the old system to climb back out.

The negative encases the positive ; the negative provides the boundaries and it “tempered” by the positive. In other words, instead of tyranny, you get sovereignty.

The positive is allowed to “be” its best expression by the boundaries of the negative without falling apart. What happens with excessive compassion? You will end up tolerating anything & everything, even if it breaks down the integrity of consciousness.

This year I have been dealing with levels of anxiety I have never experienced before and I have been having a very difficult time figuring out why. I resorted to the tried-and-true method of looking for other people’s experiences and hit gold: Anxiety is the result of conflict. I think I may have turned a corner.

It was because I have been leaning too positive. I had been blocking my own “darkness.”

It is the humans that “polarize” things as if they are desirable / undesirable when neither is the case. All are tools that keep reality functioning.

Every time I’ve made a breakthrough this year it was when I said “no”, or got angry and told certain emotions to stop or leave. (This can also be taken to excess, which results in denial or rejection.) Consistency is always key, but I find the more aggressive techniques so far have worked better than the softer ones.

Here is where most humans get confused. There is nothing wrong in valuing the integrity of your qualia. What is qualia? It is the experience you are having right now. This is valuable. You don’t need to answer to whom it is valuable. You can, if you wish – yourself, your soul / your Higher Self, God, the human collective, whatever. All that is important it that it has value.

We value our qualia, not our “identities”, because the identities are just an appearance. Something ephemeral.

But there is “something” that we still require in order to preserve this qualia and these are the virtues of the ancients. These are the truths that must be learned “inbetween” that are held within your soul.

If the negative provides the boundaries that the positive needs to allow its fullest expression (a unique aspect of God/Source/etc.), then strangely, our world seems to be an inversion of this concept. The negative is “protected” by the positive. Excessive tolerance and compassion has created a fault in integrity. I see it in your eyes – you do not understand!

The default “experience” of the world is firmly rooted in the negative, even if you have mastered the process of transmutation to make it positive. It requires “effort” to make it positive but this is not “natural.” It is not “automatic.” You understand? You are “doing work” to change the nature of the world from negative to positive. You have made sacred the entire idea of work, rather than assume “it is done.” You have grounded your joy or satisfaction in your qualia to this process.

Most people don’t question the “negative bias” that is at the heart of this world. It has done great things in creating paradigms and systems for “transmutation” (to justify/tolerate/change the negative to positive) without addressing the roots of the problem, because it believes this is just “how it is suppose to be.”

But we can know that it doesn’t have to be this way on the simple apprehension that we can imagine another state of affairs. We can imagine a whole different root. We can imagine a “positive bias”, or a “neutral bias”, or something else altogether.

All around our world we have physical systems to tolerate, protect and stabilize. Everyone is subject to governments, laws, police, cultural norms, monetary systems and hundreds of other examples of “external pressure.” They provide “integrity” to our world … but don’t you see? Integrity is suppose to be within. It has been externalized and made manifest in the physical world.

How did this happen?

It happens when beings cannot hold their own integrity within, so they need it “without.” They need to be told what to do. They need to be protected from each other. They need rules and boundaries to determine “how they can experience.” They need the crutches to “hold themselves together.” This is justified by all sides as some kind of basic requirement when it couldn’t be farther from the truth. This is the (false) basis of our entire civilization.

Integrity/cohesion is within. This is how you definitively know the negative is the default (or bias towards) state of the world because it is present with the 3d/physical realm. If the positive were the default, police, governments, etc. would not exist, or would truly be of service to us. Life would become more effortless, rather than a struggle.

Sovereignty is inherently born from (the demonized concept) of DARKNESS. Without the DARK, the LIGHT cannot be perceived. Suffering has to do with NEITHER of these things.

Remember, remove the evaluations from positive & negative and simply try to accept what each category represents without providing it a “weight.” This is also critical in understanding UNITY. The gamut of what you understand as DARK is what gives your STRENGTH, INTEGRITY and BOUNDARIES in which to FULLY EXPRESS within your qualia. Without these forces, you bleed out ; your top stops spinning ; your qualia becomes erratic, or dies (amnesia ; becomes too burdened and must be rebooted.)

If you need help understanding how HATE, or ANGER are good things, think of them as deterrents ; a kind of mutually assured destruction. Everyone carries these swords around so they never have to be used. They are symbolic, or the exaltation of our qualia.

Without this sword, EVERYONE SUFFERS, because individual qualia cannot be adequately expressed. We all become chaotic/neurotic.

When these powerful negative concepts are tempered with your compassion and kindness, they create SOVEREIGNTY. No longer are they just pure destructive power, they are used to transmute potential into form – to create DECISION – to impose order on chaos.

I created a demon where I became afraid of my own sovereignty.

Sovereignty has been a mostly natural thing for me until the events of this year.

“Dysfunctional sovereignty” turns into “dysfunctional acceptance.”

Dysfunctional acceptance starts breaking down unity and seeing the Context as apart from you, which allows emotions & thoughts to begin to victimize you. Without sovereignty, you cannot say “no” and it seems you must just keep enduring.

No does not mean that we hide or run from ourselves. No does not mean we do not accept what is present in our “identity field.” No does not mean we do not allow what is there (like a child throwing a tantrum.)

No means to recognize that the thought, emotion, energy is no longer desired. It means that we stop renewing it within our field. It is not so much throwing out the furniture, but moving the house so the furniture is left behind. If we try to move the furniture, we are misunderstanding the furniture is being created from us. This means carefully “deciding” – using our inner-eye to create the energy matrix we wish to reside within (your identity/personhood).

I became afraid to say no – to choose – because I was afraid I was using “too much sovereignty” and creating a state of resistance / endurance. But what I was actually afraid of was fixation. I was confusing fixation with acceptance. The universe is too simplistic. It doesn’t understand “remove this thing”, it just understands “this thing” and so thinks you want more of that thing.

Its kind of stupid. And irritating. So we have to restructure how we approach things to “act with omission”, or “fake it until you make it.” I prefer to retain some arrogance in this process, so the thing you are releasing is “beneath you”, like an intruder that doesn’t belong there. Not having confidence, I find, makes things much harder on yourself. Your mileage may vary.

I’ve tried the “love it away” approach and it doesn’t work for me – it feels like a denial of the discontent, the hatred, or other negative energies which are present when we want to make a change. We are suppose to “be whole” and this does not mean pretending the other side of the spectrum isn’t there or influencing our decisions. This denial becomes a larger denial of self (Wave / identity field), which creates a resistance/endurance and makes it that much harder to change.

Once again we find ourselves plunging a knife into the concept of polarity. The negative spectrum contains agents of change. The positive spectrum contains the elements of stability. Love is the neutral state, that allows use of all sides of the spectrum – not their denial. As always, it is more holistic to discard any ideas of polarity to begin with and not polarize anything as “good” or “bad.” The universe just isn’t that simple and all pieces have important roles to play. Discarding parts of the toolkit because they seem “negative” makes us lesser gods.

This is just another example of the failure of the Human/Earth collective, because the whole collective is aligned away from how the actual universe does/should function. We have to work a hundred times harder because the default ways of thinking across the board are dysfunctional.

I want to talk about “higher self” and the “expansion” of consciousness.

This is a concept prevalent in New Age philosophies and derivatives. Most New Age literature depicts the Higher Self as a guiding force. The Higher Self is what introduces obstacles and challenges into your life to “expand your consciousness.” There are endless articles which base their assertions on this expansion concept as justifications or explanations for the how / why of the human condition.

In most cases, we are meant to believe that the Higher Self has its own consciousness, or that we even agreed to a contract or “plan” before incarnating on Earth. Believers of soul contracts and plans, I’m sure, would agree that the plan is intended to be adaptable (to allow for free will, they will argue) but to guide you to a certain conclusion.

I have lots of problems with this.

New Age also teaches a couple of important concepts and that is the idea of separation and/or unity. This article is not intended to visit those particular topics but the simplistic idea of unity is the idea that we and the universe are are all connected.

But is the concept of Higher Self compatible with unity? I contend that it is not. It introduces a separation of yourself. Opponents will argue there is “ego”, which we want to shed and then there is what the Higher Self intends, which we want to follow.

As I often say, ego is too often used to just label everything you don’t like about yourself – or your Wave.

All of these different layers just introduces separation. You “are” your Higher Self. There is no divide. Needing to divide yourself this way is just a crutch to getting you to trust your heart, or yourself. You need to “speak” with your Higher Self rather than just knowing it immediately.

The very fact that you can make a decision means you have an “ego.” The ego is the limitations that allow for the perception of the self, or the “I AM.”

To shed your ego 100% would be to cease to exist. This serves no one, especially not Source/God.

It would be more useful to think your entire personality matrix / identity has no consciousness at all and that “you” are simply a manager of its energy. Managing this energy is how life is experienced. You do not have to become fixated or “attached” to it.

The fundamental problem I have, though, is the idea of challenges, or obstacles as a method for creating “expansion of consciousness.” To me this has become doublespeak for “suffering.”

Just by existing you are “expanding” consciousness. There is a lot to learn in idleness, or “doing nothing.” When you are sick of it, you will naturally seek out different experiences. You do not need a “plan.” Much like going on a binge, you will become bored and do something else. You need no authority to hold your hand. Your heart guides you throughout as you change your decisions.

The very concept of expansion is contentious because it implies that there is “one direction” for consciousness to go.

To value certain types of experiences over others would collapse the entire universe in a “one true path” problem. All other experiences would eventually only exist to service the more valuable ones, creating an entropic state (this means the exclusion of God/Eternity/Infinity, which is a Nonsense state.)

Along the same vein, a contract or plan would annihilate your free will. The fulfillment of the contract would introduce a weight to all experiences, meaning some experiences would be more right, or more wrong. And what does that do? It creates entropy. It ejects God (it does not account for infinity ; it does not produce an eternal state.)

Contracts, simply, are polarity / machine mind. The contract is a way of interacting with the universe in an experimental/procedural way that eliminates the variance of potential (in other words, God.)

Your choices would be meaningless, because the end state is assumed, thus no real experience was acquired. The “journey” was just the processing power needed to produce an outcome. Are you content to just be a “functional call” of the universe?

Why are plans, contracts, Higher Selves, and so on doublespeak for suffering? Because they are invariably brought up to explain the trying circumstances of our lives. But this is 100% hand-waving self-absolving bull.

Suffering exists because it is chosen. Because it is chosen, it means it was “designed”, even if it was designed in ignorance. We cannot answer the question of whether we live in a universe that was purposeful or accidental, or both.

All we can do is choose how to live OUR lives and we choose to recognize that suffering is an EQUAL experience. Being equal means that it is no more valuable than any other experience we need to “expand” ourselves. And knowing this, this means we can imagine life paths that have no suffering whatsoever, because all experience is valuable (we can know this simply via Infinity Principle).

And knowing this, means we allow our hearts to provide paths without suffering. When we surrender to our hearts, our choices begin to reduce suffering whenever we find it.

Even if we are just aspects of God, then we should be doing our best to create a fundamental reality that reduces suffering while exalting mobility/choice. This is not pretending suffering is less valuable and thus introducing entropy, but recognizing our supreme sovereignty (choice) to reorganize reality as we decide.

As I say … we do not need to live with bears to know we do not want to be mauled by bears. There is the “wild” and there is where we make our home. This doesn’t mean we need to erase bears from existence.

Why am I writing this article? There is so much literature out there that believes we “have” to suffer which just perpetuates the entire concept within the collective. If we don’t realize this, then we haven’t done the inner-work to remove suffering from the choices we are making.

If the Higher Self is making our decisions (via the weighted coercion of experience), then we have no need of hearts and none of our intentions matter. We suffer – or not – at its behest.

If there is no free will, the entire universe reverts to a void as decisions cannot be made – this means potential cannot be “collapsed.”

What is the point of this discussion? For me to not trigger whenever someone begins speaking about Higher Selves and life contracts.