A post inspired by Mr T. over at Substack –> https://talknet.substack.com/p/growing-sense-of-disconnection-in

Doubt is existentialism and this leads to unnecessary explorations (gaps/delays) and failure (or “unnecessary feedback.”)

This disconnection is a “remembering how to be.”

Some humans are figuring out their “reasons for being.” But that doesn’t resonate with me and it isn’t from a lack of trying.

I think I am learning how to “be without reason.”

This is as much about not needing a reason to be, as it is about being cautious of reason itself. What reasoning do we need to be happy? Answer: none at all.

My heart is asking me to step back from everything and just laugh at the sheer absurdity of it. I no longer care what The Other thinks about this.

There is a parasite feeding on the beauty/love of the world. I call it Nonsense ; I like to view it as a kind of critical malfunction in consciousness – an anomaly, because it is more empowering, but we can accept it as a phenomenon that occurs as “consciousness rises.” Same difference.

The parasite/Nonsense might be a dark group of controllers, aliens, or just a pattern of low/animalistic/dark gestalt consciousness that has been tolerated for too long. It doesn’t matter whether it is “within me” or the collective. It all connected and manifests the same.

To engage in this world is to empower this darkness – because it enters into our consciousness and comes alive through us. Hearing the “reason” is to argue with it and let it in. We see it as us and act through it.

Reason would have made Gandalf abandon his integrity and use the Ring of Power because he thought he could do good with it.

To reap the fruits of this material world, the darkness has to be appeased to lesser or greater degrees. Humans have rationalized and compromised with these affairs so long there exists entire paradigms and systems of belief to naturalize the behavior.

The Matrix is just one giant sacrificial altar to this darkness.

Humans are being relieved of every single one of these systems and this is what you are witnessing. This is a “physical byproduct” as consciousness expands.

The “good guys” glorify sacrifice & hard work to appease this dark consciousness as a compromise to find a misguided sense of happiness, but this will never free them. This is a devil’s bargain.

The “bad guys” give themselves over to the dark, losing themselves altogether and become parasites themselves.

There is no leading, fixing or settling/integrating with this place as-is.

The only winning move is “not to play” because this starves the darkness and allows it to pass from consciousness. Relentless neutrality. Putting a mirror in front of a mirror and bringing back infinity (potential, or the destruction of survival/polarity.)

This universe is a “mirror universe.” Becoming a mirror yourself is doing “Gods work.” You are channeling the essence of God. This is true freedom.

This infuriates anyone who has latched their sense of being into the “dark world.” The unknown – the potential – terrifies them. We are witnessing a “world wide exorcism.”

If we value the integrity of our own consciousness, there really is no other option. I’ve been saying this a lot, but I’ve been here before. Re-remembering this has allowed me to feel free again.

I don’t think there is any room for speculation about the future until the beast is dead. If you are trying to fix this mess, you are channeling Nonsense. Our job is to stand here holding it down while it thrashes about and dies/is expelled.

This is the most stressful time, because Nonsense is trying to convince us to “create more time” while it does this thrashing. We, ourselves, are being purged too – of all of our fears – because Nonsense knows them and uses them against us.

Love / wonderment and our detachment – being in the audience, but not on the stage – is our greatest asset here.

I want to talk about time. Not quite the metaphysical concept of time, but more the Earth-Human sense of time.

We are meant to believe that the world goes through a 24-hour period. This is meant to be “helpful” by breaking down the day into units of measurement to which we can create schedules, coordinate events or meetings, measure phenomenon and so on.

This is a lie.

Time is a prison for your mind. This artificial construct has been gently lowered upon the natural world as a way of holding you hostage. This block of time – 24 hours – creates a fixation to which disconnects you from your inner-being and introduces a concept of yesterday & tomorrow which ensures your imprisonment.

Tell me, what does a “second” feel like? A “minute”? An “hour”? Describe how it “feels.”

Like a frog being boiled, you become adjusted to how fast or slow time flows based on your own expectation. But practically everyone has their own evidence of this being a lie in their own lives.

When your mind is no longer fixated on time, time becomes fluid. Time can seem to fly or seem to go on forever. Every person has experienced this, whether for good or ill. Whenever you are in “flow”, you become a master of time.

You have been indoctrinated into thinking that there is a function outside of you which marches on independent on this “sensation of time” but there isn’t. You are the one “making it go fast” or “making it go slow.”

Time is relative? Indeed. You have no idea.

When you truly apprehend this, then you understand how pervasive and how sinister the 24-hour lie is. You are like butter scrapped over too much bread, being stretched and stretched and stretched.

But Macil, the natural world follows this “24 hour” period!

You can divide “Now” into as many pieces as you like. Do you think we could reorganize our time-keeping to function on 36 hours? Or 2 hours? Sure we could. It is just a matter of perspective and doing the “verisimilitude” work to put it all together.

You don’t think we could create longer or shorter calendars? Of course we could. Human history has all kinds of calendars.

We could organize our perceptions of ourselves and our world however we like. You don’t even need to subscribe to subjective idealism to understand this. You can describe the natural world in a totally different system.

But Macil, the seasons! and stuff! … are still a function of a very long history of expectation and artificial structures put upon consciousness. We still have to accept our “output”, but we can never change that output without first taking responsibility for it and understanding how it came about.

The point is that these “structures” are tools to which to mold consciousness, or help facilitate how we interact with our world – to help create a world we want to exist within. So how is this particular tool – the 24 hour clock – molding our consciousness? Is it good? Is it bad?

Does the 24 hour clock increase integrity, or reduce it?

Your consciousness is “always unfolding.” The speed at which it unfolds is a function within you – within all of us.

The question becomes: “Why have we chosen 24 hours?” It doesn’t matter whether it is intentional or not, but it is part of that which contains your consciousness to the “Earth/Human” concept.

We don’t need to subscribe to sinister conspiracies (although we could and they are possible.) We could simply accept our developing ancestors felt the need to come up with some device to organize the world, without understanding they were imparting limits upon their potential.

So what keeps reinforcing this hideous 24 hour period? Our environment is inundated with clocks and a sense of plodding time. It is at EVERY LEVEL of our existence.

The first thing you see when using a computer or a phone is a clock.

Your car has a clock.

Television is nothing but programs and schedules.

You very likely wake up and go to sleep to an alarm clock.

If you travel anywhere, you are riddled with schedules and places to be and when to be at them.

Your connections to others are probably grossly dependent on “clearing time” or “arranging time.” What happened to spontaneity? It is being murdered. “Time” has no room for spontaneity, because then we wouldn’t have time!

Calendars are a kind of “fake infinity.” They are a fake structure (that limits your mind) that “extrapolates to forever.” How many of us plan for things days, weeks, or years in advance? Do you think these are “anchors” that must be fulfilled? Hint: yes, they are.

The worst of all of this is of course the function of time within work. That is the heart of the demon. Your job requires a precise sense of time. Showing up, going home, meetings, tracking, schedules, todos, lists – it goes on and on.

We could say that work itself is an emergent property of too much time to fill. It is not children becoming adults – it is adults becoming children. This obsession with production is a devolution.

I call this the “the production demon” – it is smoothing out consciousness so that it becomes colorless – existing to service just the production of more time.

Computers are the physical manifestation of excessive time, because computers are the embodiment of the survival-mind – BINARY – the over-fixation of detail.

Work itself emerges from the dragging of time. We are experiencing all the “steps inbetween” an intention and manifestation because of our perception – our expectation – of time.

In order to fulfill our expectations of time, which we hold within ourselves, consciousness must “fill in the blanks.” Instead of “I want a car”, you need “enough time” to give a viable verisimilitude / explanation of why the car can’t just “appear.” So you’ve externalized your will into “money”, “jobs” and a physical world that needs maintenance.

The rabbit hole goes deeper, but this is a good reminder/primer.

What can do about this? We reduce our sense of time whenever possible. We set aside clocks and learn to trust ourselves. We connect with nature. We find natural rhythms. You will experience “divine timing” the more you can do this.

You will not vanish. You will find your true self outside the confines of time.

I haven’t posted too much as of late because I haven’t felt the need. That is a good thing, but I also am being nudged to keep Ex Inanis alive and kicking this time. I know it helps.

I’ve been coming back into a sense of being with myself rather than in a semi-panic where I feel compelled to micromanage all the details. I have to remember that details = lowering of perspective = fixation = density = time = enduring = Nonsense.

If I haven’t mentioned it before, schedules, todos and lists tend to be an indicator of stepping “out of being.” You are becoming too fixated on appearances and reorganizing your expectations into them. You are not trusting or allowing. This disconnects us from inner guidance / higher insight.

If you do this for too long, your mind starts slipping back into binary/polarity thinking which slips further into all-out survival thinking, which then starts creating excessive thought & emotion. This is by design, because the thought & emotion is a guidance mechanism to get you to “lift out.”

This isn’t to say that we can’t make use of schedules, todos and list, but to exercise caution in how we use them. They should never become informative – they should never become so heavy that they become their own problems.

A caveat: If you are already “out of being”, then some schedules, todos and list can be very helpful for “finding yourself” again, because if you are unable to connect to your being, then you can “substitute heart” through a commitment to a ritual or schedule. This is a “faking it until you make it” trick to finding that heart-centered place again.

This not for everyone, or most people, because the world feeds on time (what a surprise.) If you want to “break away”, though, this is where you start.

NTS: I’ll have to write a post about actual time – like how clocks are everywhere – and how this is part of the containment mechanism.

I wanted to put a little reminder here to myself about something I have noticed many times before. My thoughts & decision making process in the mornings and nights sucks. I try to pressure myself way too much in the morning and my mind wants to remove all the surprise from tomorrow at night time by making plans, leading to crappy sleep.

Mornings must be reserved for “waking up until functional” and nights are for “exclusively resting.”

I have been noticing how at nights I let myself think and plan too much and have been practicing letting this go in favor of just resting. And I’m still dealing with some residual anxiety from the events of the last few months in the morning that seems to fade after a little while.

I can tell I’m being called to get more in tune with the natural cycles of the world.

Old wisdom, but once you can “catch” the thing you want to change – once you can “observe” it – then this is the beginning of letting it go. This is why my work is always about looking for these “invisibles” or “inbetweens.”

It can be confusing wisdom because you will think you need to “change something”, when in reality you just to need to “watch the thing go.” You just have to ride the gap/buffer until it does. The observation – the light – burns it away – opens the door for it to leave. Your heart “knows how to step around it.” The true battle was just recognizing the thing (and having a good environment to not let it back in.)

Okay, time for a bit of crazy.

I am becoming increasingly convinced that all thought arises from the Context. That is, there is not a single thought that arises from your inner being at all.

The thoughts that seem benevolent or subservient — which we are more prone to claiming as “ours” – are no different than negative ones, or even neutral ones. They are simply the most attractive thoughts that exist within the Context that you are entertaining.

“Reasoning” is just unpacking these thoughts, or digging out more of a kind – also from Context. What is “attractive” is you using certain aspects of Wave as informative (you are getting on the stage, instead of being in the audience).

Thoughts are a complete distraction that keeps you locked in creating time.

Yes, I am becoming increasingly convinced that our Wave is completely invisible outside of how it is “implied” back to us from Context. But this also feels incomplete / somewhat obvious. If we go looking “within” we are just digging deeper into the Context that isn’t us at all. Well, it IS, but it is because the Wave “contains” it and we are “seeing through it.”

We can recognize that in a roundabout way the thoughts are ours, because the Wave was our choice and because the Context derives from Wave, but what do we do when we wish to “rise above” the Context? In theory, we would want to allow the Context to “pass.”

Our personal Wave is just sculpted from interaction with the Context. It seems to be “on display” all the time.

But there is no “within” if we just “are” – we are “outside of Wave” – which makes sense within the greater framework of Ex Inanis. When you are at your best, you are surfing the Wave across Context.

What does this mean? Thoughts are like a smell, or a taste. They are just another “sense” that we feel from the Context.

This would seem to make them almost useless even in comparison to physical senses. No – not useless – but it takes practice to start recognizing them as part of the world itself and not yourself, so as to not let them influence your Authentic/Heart-decisions.

I feel like somehow I’ve been at this realization before, but nonetheless it feels profound again. Advocates of “ego dissolution” will want to go “duh” here without considering “what about us” is allowing us to make decisions, since decisions cannot be made in a void. That is “Wave.” But the Wave is contaminated (or connected), so to speak, with the Human Context.

What happens, I think, in seeing the thoughts as part of the Context is that we are pulling further out as to what is “us” and “not us.” Or, with better clarity, what we choose and what we do not choose. This is just a way of re-organizing Wave. We are “broadening.” The Wave begins to allow the Context to trickle out, like a sieve.

Yes, that feels right. Then it is a matter of practice of watching all thoughts and seeing them as derivative of Context. This isn’t a rejection of what put us here, or what the “Wave” polarizes, but a recognition of now rising above it. We are letting the Context itself pass! This should start removing it from Wave altogether. Or even allow it to become “more flexible” as it departs.

Well, I will begin to practice this and see how it goes.

When I write here, I usually assume I am just talking to myself. Yet I understand I have opened this process to the wider world for various reasons.

Ex Inanis – this blog – is not meant to be a place for me to make commitments, anchors or promises. This blog is not meant to be a noose around my neck or something that makes me wake up in cold sweats.

This blog is not meant to be informative, to claim knowledge or give advice.

This place is a “black hole” for my over active mind.

This blog is to half-assedly assemble a lifetime of introspective work into something more tangible or legible while trying to have fun with it. I put stuff here that I don’t want in my mind yet may want to revisit at some point. If it helps someone else, great.

I make no claims that this blog is without errors, or that I will not recant or revise prior positions given new insights or evolving circumstances. I am still human – or at least I play one on TV.

I make no promises that I will separate the personal ramblings/rants/antecedes from the salient wisdom. Right now its part of the package because that’s usually how its “channeled.”

I realized the whole “erase all games” and “take no breaks” posts from awhile ago were the end of a kind of psychological extremism that had possessed me from dealing with a great deal of pain and upheaval. That machine/ego-mind was attempting to usurp the controls and Ex Inanis is what kept the truck on the road.

I confess I cancelled the process after a few days, although the GoG account is toast. Causality of spiritual war.

I am leaving the past content here because there are still valuable insights amid the awkward humanness and there is a certain value to seeing the evolution of the work / the human behind. I want to continue doing this blog. There is an x-factor I enjoy. Maybe a kind of weird sense of freedom from leaving all my faults out there.

I am posting this little “DISCLAIMER” here to remind MYSELF to not over obsess what I post here or fall into perfectionism.

That is all!

This post came about after reading this article –> https://eraoflight.com/2022/08/31/hakann-karma/

Everyone is describing the same elephant, so here is my opinion.

Karma is just another word for all your prior decisions (including past “lives.”) There is what is consciously making decisions and what has become automated or unconscious making decisions. You can call this “karma”, because it has consequences upon your reality generation.

Free will is never violated because you are not living in a singular world. The singular world concept is what ensnares your mind, because it “lowers the perspective.” This ensnaring is what keeps you “logged in.”

You are living in a multidimensional world like a Massive Multiplayer Roleplaying Game where every person is their own instance/universe. You are matched to the other “players” who align to your decisions. This matching is instant and always happening.

See the lyrics to Sweet Dreams – “Some of them want to use you, Some of them want to get used by you, Some of them want to abuse you, Some of them want to be abused.” That’s the cynical perspective, but helps gets the point across.

Where this will trip most people up is in the question of morality or ethics. Since all outcomes happen and there is no “right or wrong”, it seems like you could do whatever you want, right? No. You are not yet in “Heaven.”

Morality/ethics are concerns of cohesion, or your ability to maintain your “being”, or what I call “continuum.” Reincarnation is indefinite until you are able to maintain being whilst holding “all your karma.” This requires many virtues, but a lot of compassion & faith.

Good & Evil is binary/polarity or what I call machine-mind thinking. If you must use these terms, then Good is whatever imparts more integrity to your consciousness and Evil is whatever makes your consciousness lose integrity.

Unification (Unity) with your self/World/Others is locked behind the concepts of compassion/faith. Faith allows you to be in the audience and not on the stage – to be “in but not of” – to view the “whole elephant” and not a part. Compassion is the universal translator, or the glue that holds everything together.

Until you learn these virtues, you are at a lower state of consciousness (too detail oriented – too “on the ground” – the survival or machine-mind. Fixation. Sensitivity.)

You are an eternal being. You are playing for all time. You are riding a Wave that you create by your choices. The Wave is what aligns/creates your apparent reality (what I call Context.) To access “higher realms”, the Wave must contain the “matchmaking parameters” to get you there.

You can call this expansion, if you like, but I don’t like the idea. The idea of constant expansion is dysfunctional and linear. [ edit: had a bit of a revelation I will post about later. ] It tends to let itself justify / glorify suffering, but suffering is just another choice. The Human Context just happens to have a lot of suffering to “stop choosing.”

When you achieve being/continuum – you might call that Heaven or Nirvana – you will become “non-linear”, able to align/create other realities and expand/contract your Wave (soul) for all eternity as you play. You will KNOW when you have arrived, because you will look up from the monitor and see that Earth was just “one of the games” and you are surrounded by other players.

Earth is a game, but it isn’t. It doesn’t “allow you” to treat it like a game because of existentialism, which introduces gap/delay/doubt into everything. This doubt is the root of all suffering. It doesn’t matter where that existentialism comes from, whether it is from yourself or “enforced” by the game/Context. As long as we can doubt – existentialism – we have not arrived “home.” We have not “logged out.”

It is possible that death or other “game conditions” may immediately impart this state (logoff), but it doesn’t help us make decisions in our day-to-day lives on how to play. (Only Being does that.)

Here is one possible idea: Earth brings beings to cohesion, or exists as a way for already-cohesive beings to “edit their soul.” Because we are such complex beings, you can consider Earth like an “editing interface.” When you play, you are being given the chance to make revisions, create insights, and so on for your subsequent lives. Doubt/amnesia/veil is a consequence/critical component to becoming “detail oriented” – it is like a vertigo or a dizziness – the distortion created from using a magnifying glass. There are “things within” that are too deep to otherwise access – they are the “karma” (choices) that build your consciousness dream.

If you want to make hardcore revisions to how your basic reality is generating, there is no other way than to “go into the abyss.” It may be that we make expeditions into the abyss and return to “take a break.” You might relate these to cycles that other philosophies/spiritual works talk about.

Because we doubt, we can also know that there must be experiences where there is “no doubt”, so we know the “complete” universe cannot be limited to experiences where there is “always existentialism.” This is a huge clue that Earth is not what it seems. Teachings that arrange themselves around “eternal existentialism” are still trapped in “one worldism.”