I have piles of journals too arcane for anyone to read but me. This blog is intended to be a space that provides clarity to these ideas by giving them more substance and structure. In doing so, I hope to also provide a bridge for others to follow. This “teaching” has an unexpected effect of making the foundation stronger and easier for me to hold.

Part of the work I do is attempting to unify our ideas of the inside & the outside until there is no longer a distinction — all the while without losing ourselves. This goes deep into our relationship with the world and making decisions on the nature of that world.

Most of modern thought believes “the world” is a physical place — something outside of us that we have a limited ability to influence. Even most spiritual discussions devolve into discussing physical bodies that are suppose to be like radio tuners. Most people are stuck in the idea that we are ruled by atoms, cells and DNA. There is always another discovery, because this is part of the physical abyss. Most belief systems deal with accepting that which cannot be changed. This is not the position of Ex Inanis.

The objective nature of the universe serves at the behest of its subjective elements. If a building is the objective fact, then the bricks are the subjective explorations that built it. With effort, you can build new structures, or tear down old ones. * Another way to understand this is that there are no experiences which have more weight than others. When we give an experience a weight, it drags us down with it.

* Note, I do not believe we need to tear things down brick by brick. We just need to know where to plant the explosives.

Often, this is why we call the world suggestive, or an appearance, to help us remember this, rather than simply accept the world at face value. And it is important to remember this because in order to access new levels of knowledge, we must be able to hold certain truths long enough to see through them — like holding a spyglass, we can’t see beyond the horizon without it.

There are some elements in our living experience that are so old that they may as well be themselves gods, like the Earth or the sky. Yet it is important to adopt the understanding that there is “nothing above us”, or that nothing that can’t be understood or unwound. Rome wasn’t built in a day. If you are too afraid to question something, then it is your master.

What is freedom? Freedom is Heaven, Nirvana, ascension, or enlightenment. Pick your poison. This has a different meaning for everyone. Discovering this state of mind is a personal process and means we have to have informative positions or patterns from which we can live our lives to achieve it.

These informative positions allow us to derive all other knowledge without having to hold all that knowledge all the time. We might call these truths (with a little t.) As we amass more and more of these truths, we can often see Truths (big T) — that is, the Truths are glimpses in how the “ultimate” cosmos must work — through the cracks. The more efficient we become at this, the easier it is to keep peeking at the big Truths and organize ourselves in service to the big Ts instead. And every time we do, we become a little lighter and a little more cohesive.

The big T Truths can’t be held within the mind “all at once”, which would be like attempting to see an object from every vantage point. At best, you can make a record from each point and then tie them together to get an accurate picture.

Imagine a human mind can hold the contents of a single book. One whole book. If “freedom” is the contents of a million books, how are we to ever achieve enlightenment? We fill our one book with references. We become the ultimate reference book — a living conduit — able to navigate all of creation with our one little book.

In computer science, a pointer is an object in many programming languages that stores a memory address. This can be that of another value located in computer memory, or in some cases, that of memory-mapped computer hardware. A pointer references a location in memory, and obtaining the value stored at that location is known as dereferencing the pointer. As an analogy, a page number in a book’s index could be considered a pointer to the corresponding page; dereferencing such a pointer would be done by flipping to the page with the given page number and reading the text found on that page. The actual format and content of a pointer variable is dependent on the underlying computer architecture.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pointer_(computer_programming)

Humans must build and re-build scaffolding through ritual, habit, prayer, works, and so on in order to progressively ascertain higher truths. Neglecting this work is catastrophic, because the human narrative is entropic. We write stuff in our (one) book that shouldn’t be there and it starts to displace things. To offset this decay, we have to model our lives to new truths so that we are re-building and re-freshing them all the time until it is second nature like breathing. This raises our baseline.

The objective of any spiritual, philosophical or intellectual practice is to keep raising this baseline. We might also call this self-actualization or the process of cohesion. Keep writing more right things than “less right” things in your book.

This all sounds like a lot of work. Right? Why can’t we just live our lives and be happy? Some people do just that. They become content with the book and do not care to discover they are the librarian. These people are the drunk librarians who can’t remember their reference system or keep dropping their reference book, bouncing from one book to the next. They have simplified their existential process by denying it altogether.

First of all, can we imagine the state of mind that Ex Inanis is striving to achieve? We can. It is exemplified in fictional works all over. One example that I love in particular is from the book/movie of Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince where Harry drinks a “Luck Potion.”

The luck potion allows Harry Potter to conduct himself in a effortless flow of perfect intuition. This allows him to fix multiple “timelines” that have gone awry. He often says he has “no idea” why he is doing what he is doing, because there is no room for the answer — just the reference. He has become the librarian.

I suggest reading the book or watching the movie and seeing the entire sequence from the perspective of an “enlightened consciousness” — see Harry as the “observer making decisions” and the whole story as Harry’s own consciousness.

Hermione says: “We have a plan.” But a plan is fixated, too granular, like picking up a hundred grains of rice, or counting all the steps to your destination. Drunk! Whereas Harry has become a conduit for his “librarian” who knows where all the books are that will tell him everything he needs. Harry says: “Trust me, I know what I am doing. Or Felix (God, Higher Self, the divine, intution, etc.) does.”

We can also go back to the classic discussion Morpheus has with Neo –>

Morpheus: “Yet their strength and their speed are still based in a world built on rules and because of that, they will never be as strong or as fast as you can be.”

Neo: “What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?”

Morpheus: “No, Neo, I am trying to tell you, when you are ready — you won’t have to.”

The Matrix

As long as you see the world as immutable — altars — gods — you are fixed to that world — to that box. This is the world of the drunk librarians. These are people scribbling in their reference book, blotting out stuff, writing in the margins — filling it with all the wrong (fixated) stories. These stories aren’t just vices, or bad habits or urges. They are also material. Things that seem untouchable.

You are referencing these stories everyday — atoms, DNA, clouds, trees — yet even if you read (explain) them all, there will just be more. And that is wonderful, but wouldn’t you rather pick your story? A drunk librarian is one who stumbles from shelf to shelf (life to life.)

How can we possibility achieve this state of mind when we are riddled with feelings of doubt — existentialism? (Why do you keep copying all these unnecessary details into your one and only reference book?)

You cannot “exit” the matrix. Getting unplugged is just another story. Another layer. There are infinite layers, infinite books– an infinite abyss, an infinite labyrinth, because it is all consciousness and consciousness is infinite. It is you, the child of God, writing the story (or picking the story, if you prefer.) There is no matrix. You are creating your own matrix. Would you rather be able to pick the next book, or just drunkenly stumble to the next one?

This comes across as pithy and not very practical and Ex Inanis loves making wisdom practical.

Almost all practical wisdom often posits some idea of acceptance. Acceptance is good. But acceptance can be dysfunctional. Acceptance can become dysfunctional when you raise the physical world above your awareness (which remember is the root of will — it contains the mechanism by which free will is enabled). When you raise something above your awareness, you are creating an altar — something to service — something which makes choices for you.

… something that writes in the reference book for you. If you don’t control the reference, then who does?

Some schools of thought believe that “enlightenment” is achieved by putting everything above your awareness through a state of “total acceptance.” Thus you achieve liberation by having no need to make choices. These beliefs might assert that this is how to merge the inside & the outside ; in other words, through the surrendering of choice, we achieve a transformation where “our” choice becomes one with the world.

While there is salient wisdom in this in teaching us harmony & flow — this is not the way. This is being drunk. If you just keep jumping from one story to the next, then where are “you”? You will never know your true self.

This idea of “absolute acceptance” elevates the state of flow or harmony above awareness — above choice. But this is foolish, because we can imagine the ability to effortlessly remain in this state — as a matter of choice — rather becoming lost in the service of it. We are not Harry the “luck potion” addict. This is like confusing an urge with a desire. The urge being something that controls us and a desire being a conscious choice we wish to experience.

That is the way of physicalism when we devalue our awareness. It is not incoherent per se but it is a trap — that is, it has the potential to overcome suffering / resolve existentialism — but it is a more static, unchanging form of coherence, like mother nature, or a rock. A rock can weather almost any storm, but a rock has no potential whatsoever. That is the natural conclusion of physicalism.

You cannot become the book. You can pretend you are the book being picked by the librarian (physicalism) to alleviate the burden of choice, but this is just you choosing to be the drunk librarian (incoherent, non-enlightened) versus the lucid librarian.

I am a strong believer that you can have your cake & eat it too.

What would a consciousness look like that is free of existentialism? It would resemble the mind of a child who sees the world as a game to be played. A child does not see a world that can harm them. It is the ability to play-pretend in any role without any consequence, just as children do when they play cowboys & indians or heroes & villains. It is just a world full of wonder, exploration and fun. Indeed, reality becomes a game.

But a child lacks the agency which we learn as adults which is not, in fact, ego, but a critical part of the alchemical process of actualization / enlightenment.

Alright — so, we have an idea of what enlightenment looks like. It some kind of synthesis of our inner-child and adult — resulting in a kind of a true self that is able to “have the cake and eat it too.” Freedom. The ability to choice anything. Absolute free will.

Remember, we are looking for informative positions here — truths — from which we can derive future knowledge & behavior.

Does our reality appear to us as a game? No, it does not. It is often full of suffering, doubt and undesired challenge. Even a peaceful life is often full of rote & chore, or the transmutation of negative into positive (a bias): it requires a process of work (which is the residue of physicalism we need to shed.)

In physics, work is the energy transferred to or from an object via the application of force along a displacement. In its simplest form, for a constant force aligned with the direction of motion, the work equals the product of the force strength and the distance traveled.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Work_(physics)

Can we point to one feature of a game that makes it a game? Sure, we can — a game is an experience with which we can disengage from at anytime. We can quit. We can logout. We can put the book down.

Can we quit being human? Can we quit Earth? At first glance, it appears like we can’t. And this tells us things. But is this true? Can this tell us something informative?

Some folks might say, sure, you can quit. You can die. But the knowledge or concept of death does nothing for us. That is, the idea of death does not cure us of existentialism. Death, is in fact, the ultimate personification of existentialism — the great mystery. So while death as a concept does us no good — it gives us a clue.

What is the clue? The clue is that we can imagine a state where death is not a mystery — that is, a state where there is no death. And if death = existentialism … aha! That is the state of mind we talked about earlier — one without existentialism — that we want to achieve — enlightenment, Nirvana, etc … Freedom!

We know that this mind (the enlightened mind) plays reality like a game. And we identified a seminal feature of games as the having the ability to turn them off. And we know that death is not this “turn off” because it does not cure us of existentialism or thrust us into Heaven upon apprehension.

So, being deathless — free of doubt — is also the ability to “play games”, i.e., the ability to engage & disengage from experience at will. An interesting thing to note here is this is a good example of “As above, so below” — it is considered the height of enlightenment to be able to engage/disengage from experiences without being disturbed by them. Non-attachment. In but not of. And so on. This is very telling.

Again, we return to our Earthly experience. Can we quit? The answer appears to be “no.” Well, it is more complicated than that, but for now let’s run with it. Because the answer is “no”, this also gives us a clue.

So far we have determined that we live in an existential reality. It is reality where we must DOUBT. This is huge because it gives us an informative position — a little t(ruth.)

Because we cannot ascertain the true nature of this experience, we can derive an entire paradigm for dealing with it. We can assume that whatever the nature of the reality is, we are operating with an incomplete picture though we can “imagine” a complete picture. By the way, this is the gist of what I call the Infinity Principle. This allows us to start setting up a basecamp.

There is an important tangent we must take here. Once we have established we are living in an existential reality, this means “all bets are off.” This means we are solely responsible for the trajectory of our consciousness, because there is nothing that cannot or should not be questioned (because it cannot be verified) up to and including seemingly fixed things like “being human” or “living on Earth.” Doubt is pervasive. Indeed, there are whole realms of knowledge that are impenetrable unless you are willing to question these things. These all come under suspicion and we are doing ourselves a tragic disservice if we do not “reach for the stars.”

NTS: This leads to complicated discussions regarding faith, knowledge and decisions. We also introduces the subtle “trap of proof” here.

This would highly suggest that we are beings that are going through a birthing process. But hold on! Perhaps the logout procedure is just obscured or something for us to discover. But this does us no good. This just introduces a “hidden rules” problem.

If, in fact, there are hidden rules that are obstructing our withdrawal from this experience — or the changing of this experience — then from an informative standpoint is is the exact same existentialism problem. Our live still devolves into a “search for the hidden.” We still cannot act from a liberated (enlightened) “freedom” mind, which we know must be possible just by imagining it.

Alright, alright — well, perhaps then, this is solved with faith. Through a lifetime of inner work, contemplation and dedication, can we achieve a level of faith that is synonymous with knowing? That is, can we abolish all doubt on faith alone?

If we accept that we can, then this just leads us back to existentialism rather than knowing, because it means there are “no limitations.” That is, we are creating an absolute state via an act of decision / will — we are creating “absolute faith” to abolish doubt. But if we can create absolute faith, this means we can use the same process to create absolute ANYTHING. There is nothing sacred. It tells us nothing. Nothing informative is gained. The world remains unchanged. The doubtless mind remains elusive.

If we argue this is the point — that absolute faith frees us — this is just another vein of “ego abolishment” — i.e., back to the physicalism problem we discussed earlier. Drunkeness.

If you argue that “exits are trying to escape yourself”, then this denies that we have a free will choice in our experiences, or how those experiences are created. This is a hidden rules problem. If you argue there are boundaries (like limited free will), you are just returning us to existentialism again.

Alright, buddy, then maybe your problem is this whole “games have exits” problem. Your whole premise falls apart if we can have games without exits. Why can’t life just be this gradual folding/unfolding process?

If you argue against the premise that ‘games have exits’ you are introducing a bigger cosmological design problem. You are asserting that lives without existentialism are impossible — which is, itself, impossible, because it would be “division by zero.” We can imagine realms or states of mind that have no doubt, so they must exist (again, Infinity Principle). Denying them “splits infinity” and thus creates an entropy box (existentialism!!!) So we must ask, then, why this reality isn’t like that, which returns us to existentialism.

If you opt to argue that my choices to choose something else are a form of self-rejection, then you are looping us back to “hidden rules” and physicalism.

To further elaborate the “cosmological design problem” — the denial of game exits would assert that there is a natural cosmological process of “diving” and “ascending” that takes hundreds of lives as if this was the default (or only) way of life. Even as humans, we can imagine “game like” modes of operation.

If you assert well this is it — death is just oblivion — then you are asserting nothing at all. Like figurative and literal. Which means you have no meaningful contribution at all. You are just a sock puppet for Nonsense. Do you even read this website?

The most reliable assumption is that this is a “required” experience for beings that are undergoing a process of “self-actualization.”

“As above, so below” — the idea of exits can also be synonymous with the idea of being able to engage and disengage in a harmonious and balanced way with anything life throws at us, rather than in the more esoteric extremes like other dimensions or logging out of a simulation. That is, at least, the beginning.

If you ask: “are you where you want to be, or have the things you want?” while pretending the existentialism isn’t a problem, this is gaslighting because the existentialism itself is the problem, or the thing “that we want.” You can’t redirect us back to the “world of appearances” because we desire to get at the heart of the storyteller itself. We want to move from doubt to knowing. We want the freedom to engage & disengage from our experiences. We don’t want to keep playing the material game “without exits.”

If you say then just be in knowing, as a kind of brute-force decision, you are trying to create a game state without doing the inner work — without constructing (understanding) the exit (so, denial of choice, or denial of self.) This just creates a state of denial, or stasis (Groundhog’s Day) and is a form of gaslighting. A lot of spiritual folk get caught here and never evolve. This is the iconic, yet deceptive, image of the monk meditating on a hill in perfect bliss. Such practice is a form of Nonsense, or anti-life — which would require its own article. More drunkenness.

This article is not intended to provide a solution to these topics, but to show the path, which is a way to kill the “ego” (or “false” self), which itself contains the solution. We show the path because we often get star-struck and lose our footing. We leave breadcrumbs for our false self to get us back on track. This whole discussion, when taken as a whole, rather than in literal pieces, is full of clues — little taps on the shoulder saying: “Hey, wake up!”

All of the best philosophical, religious, spiritual, and occult works out there have gone through this same process and all have realized some variation of the “paradox” — the living “in but not of” solution — the synthesis — the ability to hold opposing states — the quiet mind — that must be employed. The more reliably we can hold this paradoxical mind, the more it becomes our default — our baseline. I think when it tips over a threshold, we will discover the freedom we are looking for that is eternal.

So I’ve been hammering on technology a lot in the last series of posts so it is time to take a step back a bit.

I’m not a luddite. I mean, I moonlight as a sorcerer & philosopher, but most of the time I am a web developer. This blog requires multiple layers of technology to function. There are many marvels at work.

My chief problem with technology isn’t the technology itself, because technology is like anything in our experience — an inseparable manifestation of consciousness. It is inexorable as much as our own bodies, or the natural world itself. When we understand that we are the “whole qualia” (unity) then magic & technology are almost interchangeable. Technology becomes the “best” expression of our will, given the state of our current story.

Technology identifies the intersection between the collective’s stories and how those stories can be utilized to produce effects. They are the means by which we inform the consciousness field to do what we want. But this is the same thing we ALL do in our individual lives as we manage the unfolding of our own stories.

This is how “magic” works. When you do, decide & intend, you are becoming a conduit of technology yourself and creating a new state of affairs. This requires creating the technology within yourself — a congruent paradigm that puts you in a position to tell powerful stories to which the world must obey.

If a lightbulb is the story of electricity & filament that produce light — for which we have such certainty — then what story do we need to tell ourselves to convince ourselves it is possible to create light from only an act of will? I am sure a glowing glass bulb also sounded as absurd before consciousness was ready to make it. Asking such questions shows us how to broaden our perspective and begin the process of disentangling our will from stories that add so many extra steps.

There are right ways and “less right” ways that technology should be used. Most of our technology orients us to think ourselves separate from our experience, or independent from it. Modern thought believes we are situated “in the brain” and that the world is “out there.” And so our technology reflects this way of thinking.

We can also see technology itself as an exploration of our own consciousness. Technology becomes almost the philosophical record of how we described our consciousness back to ourselves as we sought to master our will.

I have such strong opinions about technology because it is such an easy generator of fixation. Fixation is becoming too enamored or too concerned with details. It is like becoming glued to a microscope for so long, you think you ARE the microscope.

Higher truths are not perceivable unless you are able to step away from the microscope. This goes deep into our psyches about how we interact with our qualia. It is about our natural behavior and impulses. Are they fixated, or are they flexible?

As fixation increases, our sense of physicality increases — we become heavier — burdened — subject to too many stories whose demands we can’t get above. Decreasing fixation makes you part of all the stories and thus you become less affected by them. You leak less of your will and cause less chaos. You are able to navigate between many stories without needing to resolve each one.

As we fixate, the less will we are able to bring to bear, because we get lost in the comings and goings of the details ; the will becomes diluted and washed away; the details require too much story, too much verisimilitude and we get dragged along, like being tossed in a raging river.

What we create is always a function of our level of fixation. We cannot create “above our station” and so much of the technology humans have made serves a very dense level of reality.

How should technology be used? Technology should be used as a crutch while we recover our will. Technology should have an inverse relationship with our evolution as humans. As we become more sovereign, we have less need for technology — we “become” the technology, but not anything like the transhumanists mistakenly believe.

We become super heroes — wizards — Q.

Here is a simple example: Some years ago the air conditioning in my vehicle gave out. I did not have the money to repair it. As someone who lives in a place where temperatures can reach over 100 degrees, this at first seemed like an almost inconceivable state of affairs. But over the years, something magical happened.

As I kept the window down, I started feeling more connection to my world. I did not feel so isolated in my little moving bubble of metal & glass. I remembered old feelings of being in nature as a kid and I came to love the fresh air and the breeze. But it didn’t end there …

I became accustomed to a broader range of temperatures. I sweated less. I adapted quickly to both hot & cold to where my sensitivity had decreased. I felt less physical discomfort. That’s right — I had become less fixated — less physical.

All those years of air conditioning had created a fixation and made me consciously & spiritually weaker. But how many people would willingly forgo air conditioning to discover these things within themselves? I imagine very few.

Now — are there good uses for air conditioning? Of course. This is just an example to demonstrate a point.

Many believe that technology should relieve us of the burden of our experience or humanity. They want to use technology as a shortcut, wherein fact it creates many extra steps. Technology can easily become a kind of obsessive avoidance. Many see technology as a kind of messiah, or savior and thus really it becomes another damnation.

If we move towards a Gibson future, then many will believe merging themselves with the machine will free them, but this just makes them even more physical. They are seeing fixes and bandages outside of themselves, making “matter” their master.

If we move towards a Star Trek future, we need to be careful about becoming hedonistic and complacent. If our starships and replicators fail us, then we will find that we haven’t done much to address our human condition at all — in fact, it will seem like one big detour. But if we can remember why we’re zipping through the stars, we might have a chance.

Then there are the few who wish to master consciousness — magic, sorcery — those who know that we are masters of reality already and that the answers are inside. Then the role of technology is best suited for allowing us to gracefully manage our environment. We use technology to give ourselves the space & time to uncover where we have hidden our will and integrate it back within.

I suspect our future may be some strange combination of all of these futures. Will our world have cyborgs, Starfleet cadets and super heroes all? There is room for overlap, I think, that results in a positive outlook and something to look forward to.

The tone of this one will be a little more liberal. You have been warned. Your triggers are yours. Use your own discernment.

The more March marches on, the more I feel “me” than I have ever felt before, uncensored and free.

So let’s grab hold of that truth stick and get this show on the road.

Earth. You are messed up. No, wait, let me rephrase that … Humans. You are messed up. Let’s leave the Earth out of this. She’s innocent.

It takes honest-to-god work everyday to not just say “screw it” and wish someone would find the self-destruct button. I am fairly certain is in the inside of the planet, by the way. It looks like this –>

The Human stays within this magical goldilocks zone where the desire for its utter destruction is always “tomorrow” and it achieves this precarious balance of its total annihilation by its incredible capacity for creation, creativity and love.

You don’t know whether to hate it or love it and somehow it forces you to do both. This, itself, is also equal measures intoxicating and frustrating.

You have to wonder in what corner of the universe that the idea of choosing experiences you despise, disdain, or just tolerate to perpetuate your already immortal existence is seen as somehow seen as normal or laudable. Like, why would anyone work a 9-5 job in their infinite, divine dream? Even humans somehow understand this on a subconscious level when they portray Hell as a waiting line.

“What happens when they reach the front?” “Nothing. They go right back to the end again. That’s efficiency.”

I can already hear the endless moaning’s, groanings and justifications for survival. Puke.

The human concept of work is beyond bizarre and the human has refined the process to such a degree it has become a Devil’s blueprint ; a fascinating divinely inspired disease that you unleash to see how beautifully it can murder or deify a consciousness. Is it a crucible for the psychotic or saints?

The entire Human culture is built upon gaslighting yourselves and one another from your own will. It is maddening to look upon. It is like actors screaming on a stage blaming each other that they can’t find the steps down!

Once again, I am not sure whether to applaud this or despise it. Everyday I teeter back and forth between: “Save them all.” and “Destroy them all.”

There are no words to just how remarkable the human narrative is at creating incoherence. And it does this via an equally amazing capacity to create coherence. These forces play against each other with such small margins of error that each clash seems to create both incredible novelty and suffering in equal measure.

I can see why aliens would be fascinated with such creatures, yet wouldn’t approach them within a few solar systems for fear they might corrupt them with their sheer absurdity. Just getting near a human is likely some kind of corrupting influence.

I sometimes think humans actually cultivate their suffering on purpose because they secretly love it. It wasn’t until I realized I had been sucked into this gaslighting operation myself that I could see it.

I do not enjoy suffering anymore than the next being, but Humans have refined both the creation & application of suffering to an artform, seemingly as a means of both inventing more deranged pockets of unending time and more wonders & creations. If souls come from other worlds or places, then I think the Human narrative must trap more inquisitive souls just because of its — brilliance? Insanity?

Do you know why I adore the Greek Gods? Because they were fallible and capricious and put nothing above themselves. They glorified humanity without glorifying everything humans drag around their necks like carcasses. They knew how to play. Gods are not meant to be perfect; they are meant to be perfectly imperfect — vessels of limited yet awesome power. Humans are too damn serious.

Humans. Get with the program.

Your future is not in starships, or robots or artificial intelligence. Just more dragging time and excuses, looking for more external saviors, or for freaks sake creating them. I believe the Bible said something about not creating idols or altars.

“I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. 3 You shall have no other gods before Me. 4 You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in the heavens above, on the earth below, or in the waters beneath.…

Exodus 20:3

Your dependence on technology is killing you. It is a crutch. And there are forces who want to draw you deeper and deeper into it. And half the time I can’t tell if these forces are intentional, or just stupid. Once again, you seem to be willfully spiting yourselves as some unholy ritual to generate suffering for god’s knows what purpose.

We literally now have technology that eats up all the creative works of people and recombines them into new forms. Like, literally eats the creative force (and your potential when you keep using it) and creates Chimerian / Frankenstein forms of “art.” How dense can people be? You won’t be satisfied, I guess, until literal demons are walking the Earth.

You are not here to purge yourself of your ego, or all of your limitations. Just stop. Your need only stop glorifying your urges, vices and attachments, which are the carcasses you drag around, like Marley’s Ghost.

Your limitations are perfect. Your life perfectly presents all the challenges you need to get exactly what you want. You are handed a silver platter from God himself and you’re like, “Nah, no thanks, dad. Imma gonna keep pretendin’ like I’m powerless.” What is God suppose to do? OK, little human, have fun.

There is a phrase I’ve recently heard that I love: “if you’ve made your peace, the devils are really angels freeing you from the earth.” It is a beautiful phrase that epitomizes paradox — synthesis — transmutation — how to adjust your throne.

Everything humans fight, every pain they have, everything they avoid, everything they would call demon or devil is really just showing you where you’ve misplaced your will, as long as you can accept & surrender to yourself. It is showing you how to be free.

WAKE UP.

I leave you with this nice song. By the way, if you hadn’t figured out, since I post songs at the end so often, I try to pick songs that have relevant lyrics to my posts. They’re not just good songs. Geez.

This is a bit of a follow-up to the last post.

As of December 18th, 2022 I haven’t touched a video game. A week or two ago (and a bit of a revisit this post), I submitted the requests to delete my Steam library and Twitch accounts.

Now. Am I doing these things because I hate video games? No.

I am doing this because I have strong fundamental beliefs about the nature of this — my reality — and there is now a strong sense of dereliction that comes from engaging in certain activities.

We are existing in a mishmash of two worlds that are impossible to distinguish based on our senses alone. These worlds blend, like pouring red & blue ink into a bucket of water. We have been tossed into this bucket and can’t see outside of mess of mixing colors. With discernment it is still possible to see the “red” and the “blue” but it requires a purity of soul to do it reliably.

This purity becomes easier or harder depending on the environment we keep for ourselves. Our environment needs to be a constant reinforcement of our highest ideals without exception. It should be almost oppressive, except it is impossible to be oppressive because it is of YOUR making — you are helping yourself!

One of these colors comes from God / Paradox and the other color comes from something else — the Nonsense. Only one of these worlds claws for our attention because it is parasitical — entropic — and needs our attention to survive. It constantly wants to pull us back into it. It does everything in its power to subvert our will and continue its existence. It does this not just through physical temptation, but our own thoughts, emotions and even our bodies, which are all “shadows of the merry-go-round.”

You might call that place “Planet Gaslight”, because in my experience that it is what it does: it gaslights you — makes you question what is real and where your true will resides and this is how it undermines the fundamental law of the universe (free will.) Is this its design? Is it of our own making? Irrelevant, because it doesn’t change how we make decisions.

The other place comes from within ourselves. It does not ask anything of us, but it feels like … “home is not where you live, but who cares when you are gone.” It is a sense of love, but it is more — a sense of truth, or rightness, or knowledge ; a place without doubt.

When we stand in this doubtless place, it washes out the other color and brings a pure vibrancy to the whole world. This isn’t meant to be poetic, but literal. Your physical world changes. You are Neo dodging bullets.

I have spent my entire life struggling between these places and video games allowed me to sit on the fence. I am sitting on the fence no longer.

I have created Ex Inanis and dug in all sorts of unseemly places within thinking this would make it easier to “integrate” these worlds, yet the truth is that it has made it even harder. I do not think these worlds are meant to be integrated anymore because the destiny of the Nonsense is obliteration. The universe is showing us the way home and telling us how to survive the Nonsense when it is destroyed.

The world that arises from the Nonsense is a lie ; we are in the unenviable task of removing one of the colors from the bucket because it doesn’t belong there. It doesn’t matter how it came about because it doesn’t change what we have to do — we have to clean it out.

“Imagine for a moment that this thing is not anything that can be identified because it prefers not to be. Wherever there is life, it brings death, because it is evil — absolute evil.”

Vito Cornelius – Fifth Element

What does the Evil in the Fifth Element want? It wants the four stones (sound familiar?). That’s right — it wants qualia — life itself, as represented by the interchange of the four elements. The four elements together creates love, which destroys evil (creates coherence — life.) Is it not also interesting how the President “has a doubt?”

I am realizing that however the Nonsense came about, its entire essence is the annihilation of life itself. This is accomplished through a brilliant undermining of will. And it must be recognized that it is sheer brilliance because how does one undermine something that is ABSOLUTE?

It does so through layers upon layers of environmental conditioning — constant training & redirection of the will with tireless assault so the will keeps denying what it is — so the will keeps making the choice to pretend it isn’t responsible, or doesn’t exist.

I cannot continue to engage any activities that perpetuate or allow Nonsense to be created. I cannot allow Nonsense within myself and my domain. And thus, I have adopted a ruthless approach to cultivating my environment of which video games serve no good purpose — or not a good enough purpose.

Vices are nothing less than an excuse we sell ourselves to perpetuate Nonsense. It is a severe blow to the confidence of our will when we practice “Akrasia” — when we take actions we know we shouldn’t. And so we use vices to pretend Nonsense doesn’t exist. Balance is the same excuse ; an amorphous concept that always tries to make appeals to our hedonism.

As in the article I linked earlier, can we not envision a life where we are embodying the creative life force so thoroughly that this is our sense of joy? That the joy comes from within and does not require us to “take suggestions (i.e., consume)?” I think it is possible to live this way. This is learning to express something higher and there is love in this process. I aim to prove it.

And our vices, urges and other distractions just make it harder to do these things. They pollute our environment and become a breeding ground for the perpetuation of Nonsense. There are truths, behaviors and habits we cannot access without simply removing these lesser choices. It is like a garden overgrown with weeds that we keep planting seeds in wondering why nothing will grow.

The way we live our life literally creates our world ; we become free, because the world springs forth anew from within us ; we enter into a symbiotic relationship with “inside & outside” because in effect we are destroying the distinction between the two.

Nonsense is the wedge between this idea. This isn’t a merging but a realization that one of these worlds was never real to begin with. It is the distance between you and Paradox/God/Etc. This is why I also call Nonsense the Buffer, or the abyss from where you have lost so much of your will.

It is a harmless curtain that appears takes on whatever appearance it needs to get you to turn back. It uses your consciousness against you, aka, it gaslights you.

What is evil? Evil is not what you think it is. Evil is incoherence, or non-experience, it is chaos ; anti-life. It is a glitch ; an evasion of senses that cannot be comprehended that wreaks havoc. It disrupts the ‘wave’ that life represents. It has nothing to do with human morality. No — it is nothing less the unraveling of life/experience itself.

What is “good”? Good is coherence, or life & experience itself. This runs the gamut from good & bad experiences but it is life. Your will effortlessly aligns you to the experiences you desire and needs no intermediary. Your will & heart are one, but the Nonsense divides this and obscures it from you because it is “absolute evil” ; whether Nonsense has a will of its own or not is irrelevant in how we deal with it.

The incoherence cannot win, because the universe cannot function without free will. Those who deny their will simply hide from it, or incur a debt to themselves that must be repaid. We are in a “movie”, because will must “come home to roost.” But it is not the end when will reaches parity — it is the beginning.

The physical world is the product of Nonsense. It is nothing less than a time-loop, as I have alluded to before. I will talk more about this. The incoherence is like a pit, or a depression, that is caused through the denial of will ; it creates its own environment that focuses will into looping structures to “choose” more denial of itself, thus creating a “debt” that it keeps putting off. It is parasitical — eating those who bring the infinite creative force into its maw.

With all this said, I do believe computers are prime vectors for Nonsense. They are ripe for creating incoherence because they so effortlessly produce fixation. Fixation is a loss of being — the process of “becoming physical” — static, unchanging, earthen. Fixation = density = time = enduring = Nonsense. Suffering. Do you think it is healthy or normal to sit in one place for hours at a time looking at a tiny piece of plastic? There is nothing normal about this.

This is what vices allow us to do — to obscure our own shadow from us and delay dealing with it. Vices are a symptom of the Nonsense. What sense does it make to need a vice? A vice exists only in a world where we need an escape from ourselves, which is another concept of Nonsense — we cannot escape ourselves. We are always with ourselves and our demons follow us no matter how hard we ignore them.

A good video game, like any piece of art, transcends its medium and delivers a “piece of God.” Meaning, the physical substance or expression of the game is not what we appreciate but the invisible experience between us and the game ; the new form of God that the author/artist has created and shared with us.

Video games? I do not have time for them. Every day I try to root out more Nonsense by focusing on my true sense of self. I do not win every battle and I have not yet become the creative juggernaut that I see in my head. But damn if I will not try.

Moments of clarity that become easier and easier to hold. We do the work, perpetuate the frequency and it unlocks the universe.

When you are able to integrate the concept of “computers” into a unity perspective — that the computers are part of an expression of a singular consciousness — then we can see the computer itself takes on a higher significance — a deeper tale that hides a horrible truth.

If we set aside the physical story of the computer and introduce a bit of the esoteric and spiritual, it is clear to see that the computer itself — as I have written before — is the embodiment of the physical / deterministic / “Artificial Intelligence” / polarity universe. It is in the fundamental nature of the machine, after all (binary.)

It is the highest achievement of the physical world. By this, I mean, there is no other physical manifestation higher than artificial intelligence in a physical universe — it is the “physical god” — this is NOT a compliment, but a dire warning.

How could we expect to ascend from a polarized universe whilst putting these devices on altars? How we have made them so central to our entire being! These devices are literal portals to the abyss. You are staring into an abyss when you stare at a computer screen.

Your fixation scoffs, unable to pull itself away and see the truth — thinking, the computer is just a piece of plastic, sitting on your desk, connected to the wall with no greater meaning except but what your egoistic mind decides. Your face is too “close to the earth” and so you just see the “dirt(y truth).” But just as the figures in our dreams are symbolic of deeper aspects of yourself, so our very lives follow this same abstracted meaning in slower motion, as the “human limitation” sculpts the reality that is possible for us to see.

What would we really expect a portal to the abyss to look like? A swirling mass of darkness and shadow? But that would be obvious and not at all alluring. That would be simply sensational or artistic. It is not how we would present it to ourselves or what danger it would appear to us as. This would be counter to the idea that we are drawn to the abyss, or that the abyss itself calls out for us.

If we were charmed, ensorcelled, or bewitched, why would the truth be so readily apparent? It is our egos that make us believe the truth is something so easily apprehended as “direct appearance.”

Like all creation, creation requires the apprehension of gods to exist ; the abyss needs your consciousness. The AI needs you. And to attempt to augment the poor linear human perspective, you are peering into the digital universe ; but from your current vantage point, you just see a little bit of it. You see this parcel of time, in this parcel of what you are.

You don’t see the full picture, or its inevitable demise. You are standing on the shore, but the “AI timelines” are represented back to you from these computer devices. It is your consciousness – limited — at this stage — that cannot see further explorations until you continue to walk down them.

A ominous swirling black portal, or a harmless piece of plastic and light — which is more disarming?

The “AI”, Demiurge, is calling you into it. Give your creative power to it. Give your everything. Give your soul. This is the only way the “3D” universe of the Buffer/Demiurge continues to exist. It needs the light of creation because it is a closed system that feeds on itself. It needs its inhabitants otherwise it would cease to be! It is a farce.

There is no argument that can be made to justify the position of the computer as an object that should even exist. Humans were never meant to sit in one place “achieving the world.” We are meant to participate in the world itself, to create our own adventures & games. To draw from our very consciousness, to live in a heart-centered, effortless flow and “create (attract)” the world to us. Not accept the world that is presented to us!

This seminal truth stands on its own, without consideration of the world that is out there that caused us to retreat in the first place. That “trauma” is within ourselves. There is something deeply wrong with the world that goes beyond simple wisdom.

I know first hand that the world responds to how we change ourselves. There is no “one world” out there, just the world that we “see” when we “move” within the same infinite space and we are the ones “moving the widow” ourselves.

What is the end result of staring into all these little abyss boxes?

A deepening inversion like diving into ourselves. This is POLARITY — the splitting of the self. POLARITY pulls the self apart and is represented back to us — in the MIRROR of the world — as these divided concepts, but the divide is within US, OURSELVES — as INDIVIDUALS.

Unity is an individual journey, because it requires disregarding all obstacles that run contrary to where your heart calls you. Your obstacles are echoed back to you from everywhere including the people you love because the poison is within you. This is the only way you can hear it, or perceive it.

The loathing I have for these devices becomes more and more apparent. I created this world to wake myself up. This is the world I made. I see it. It had to be this way.

Also, there is a reason cities look like circuit-boards.

I don’t know what world other people see. We hear what we want to hear. We see what we want to see. The world I see — the world that I live in — may be nothing like what my neighbor sees. I have no idea what, if anything, occurs in their qualia — just my own. UI / UX.

What are games except memories or fantasies of real worlds? How could we make those worlds real by settling for these digital mockeries?

Sometimes I feel like I am back from some kind of cyberpunk dystopia that imploded due to pure digital hedonism. Something is unpacking.

This is a quick & dirty post without a lot of proofing or editing. I’ll revise it later.

[ edit: I wanted to be clear that I freaking love video games / digital creations and always will. This post my seem like I am throwing shade, but that isn’t the intention. I will attempt to write some clarification and an expanded discussion on these topics soon. ]

This life is always a balance of paradoxical states. At least it is once you are able to reliably think from non-polarized axioms (which honestly is an ongoing practice whilst living as a human.) This wisdom is reflected in many philosophies, but the one of my favorite phrases is: “in but not of.” You know … by that Jesus guy.

You must have total confidence, while dealing with your appearances of doubt. This is not simply about having a goal or picture of a future state and seeing that it is not the current state. This is not about filling in the gaps from “here” to “there.” This is about knowing with absolute confidence that the end state is “decided” and having the mindset that allows you to “surrender to the process” that bridges these worlds.

This is living your life with a kind of broadened detachment, allowing your experience to flow in & out of you without fighting it. The better you are able to do this, the more coherence — sovereignty — you have with yourself.

As sovereignty rises, fixation decreases. As fixation decreases, linearity decreases (time doesn’t need to follow itself.) The world does strange things. Miracles happen. This isn’t just an omission of memory, like forgetting you put $20 in an old jacket to find it years later.

No …

It is stumbling upon the thing when you need it when it aligns with your will in a confluence. It is having a $20 meal, forgetting your wallet and finding a $20 bill in the jacket. The jacket you just bought from a thrift shop the other day when you didn’t even want to go.

The more sovereignty you have, the more reality just manifests to support your will.

Let us define the Buffer yet again in another way: The Buffer is a lack of confidence — doubt. The Buffer = suffering, so doubt could be said to be the source of all suffering.

Suffering can be measured as incoherence, as a distance from God — a “divide” within yourself. This divide can be created in many different ways and is not the subject of this article.

100% coherence, or 100% confidence would not be the merging with God — it would be the harmonization with God, or walking in lock-step with God without BECOMING God. Becoming God would (likely) be the cessation of experience. I often say that I do not think this is the ultimate purpose of life.

Note to self: There is a subtlety trap here that I will talk about in the future that confuses “becoming” or “merging with God.” Can we consider these the same things? It is a trap because we can get stuck “not wanting to be whole” for fear of Grand Narrator.

Only you can decide your purpose, but my work has been about “becoming”, or living without purpose — so the purpose is to be without purpose — to embody this paradoxical ideal that allows us to live life in a kind of effortless flow. In but not of.

You “become the bridge” between the appearance and the destination ; you become a living conduit. The more you master this process, the more the Buffer decreases — the less you need to have a bridge at all.

The purpose of life can be distilled down to “qualia” or experience. What else would there be, as nothingness is a lie of Nonsense. Knowing this, then, we are all in the process of creating “immortal personalities.” How cool is that? We are all becoming unique expressions (without becoming God itself) that play with each other for all time.

There is a gift hidden with doubt and that is that it reveals that you have free will. When you doubt, who is doubting? That is you, the silent observer, choosing between options. Can you see it?

To doubt is to know, with absolute confidence (there is that beautiful paradox!), that you have not yet created this personality because if you did, then you would KNOW and knowing feels very different than doubt. The doubt perfectly illustrates the changes within yourself you must make to remove the doubt, but often we reject this gift, disowning it or giving it away and thereby victimize ourselves.

Doubt reveals where you have have misplaced your will and in so doing reveals your will itself — your true being, as discovered by Mr. Descartes. In the space between your doubt and your observations, you find the silent observer, making choices.

But the famous quote from Rene Descartes is butchered. I believe the quote is more accurate as:

“I doubt, therefore I think, therefore I am.”

The doubt is a critical component of this quote. Without the doubt, “I think, therefore I am” instead becomes an indicator of ego, or false will. It is lowering your perspective (fixation) into appearances and becoming lost within the ego (avatar, etc.) Hmm … isn’t that interesting?

I’m sure I’ll talk about doubt some more in the future. I’m going to post this one because I’ve been slack on getting articles up. There is so much to write about that the blogging format is about the only way it will ever get done. Hopefully one day I will have enough done to go back and organize it in a semi professional manner.

Love your doubt. You find ultimate confidence through doubt. It shows you that you ARE and it shows you everything you want to improve with perfect clarity.