This is a tale about a man lost in a labyrinth of endless mind, imagination and shadow with no way out.

You bound into my life with a dazzling fire and illuminated the dark place that I dwelt. I chased after your fire, terrified to leave the place I reluctantly called home for so long. I did not know what I was doing and I did not care. I felt foolish and embarrassed.

I was mesmerized by your light. I could not pull away. You brought such vibrancy to the world that I could see, if only to stumble. I was not afraid to walk when you were near.

You banished the gloom and my heart warmed, my eyes softened and I could feel again. But I did not know what to do with it.

I saw how my darkness let you rest from your own nature. You could curl up in my lap — just for a little while. You could set aside your cleverness, ease your paws and just be without needing to be anywhere. But you were always drawn back to where you came and I grieved every time you left.

You came to visit me again and again and we celebrated this odd partnership that seemed to come out of nowhere that we could not define.

But ultimately it was a dance we could not keep up.

You wanted me to keep up with you, but I feared the forest. I leapt, and ran and jumped, but I did not have your grace. I fell over and over again. And I was afraid of your fire. I needed you to cool your flames for just a little while so I could hold your hand — but you did not know how.

But we tried anyway. Over and over. And we burned each other. And even though it burned, it seemed right. Every wound was secretly a blessing. It made us happy, even though neither of us could recognize it. We were healing something, but we didn’t know it at the time. The happiness that we covered up with pain kept pushing us forward.

We were too wrapped up in the choreography, rather than surrendering to the dance. We were under a different spell that whispered in our ears. How long have we been under that spell? It feels old — ancient — beyond our recollection. It kept us in two worlds.

I was determined to learn how to become fireproof, but you were just as determined to honor your fox spirit and run free. I let myself be burned and you kept coming back trying to dampen the flames.

Neither of us were wrong. Neither of us were right.

You wanted me to see you. And I wanted you to see me.

I wanted your fiery freedom. You wanted my pale peace.

I could not give you what you wanted. And I could not give you what you wanted.

But we both gave each other exactly what we needed.

We danced and danced until I could dance no more. You were too fast and I could chase no more. And your fire sung you a song you had to follow without me and I knew I had to let you go.

Your light left my forest, so I slowly surrendered back to my place of shadows. There I would spend another eternity in sorrow, wondering if a light like yours would ever return to me.

I tried to find other lights, but they were just wisps ; phantoms ; they faded whenever I came close, never really there and I just ended up getting more lost.

But do you know, I wonder, that you gave me everything? I kept a bit of your fire. I studied it. I coveted it. I got angry with it. I despaired over it. And then I realized it was showing me what I hated about myself. And that is when I learned love it.

And when I did that, it came to life. It sang. And I wept in joy. It was like you were with me again.

In time, I started to learn to create my own fire. I am terrible at it, but I could banish the dark just for a little while — just a little bit at a time — like a firely — so I could move.

I have to gather together kindling, wood and it requires much effort, but I can create a light. Not like you. You burned like a star. It was your nature that you couldn’t contain.

And I got better and better at it until I could light the way out of my shadows and see through the thick wood. I moved from camp to camp, sometimes forgetting where the last camp was — getting lost all over again — before I learned I could carry the fire. And slowly I found a way through the trees.

I did not know the whole time I was following you or using what you taught me.

I’m not as bright as you. I must make the fire anew every time. It is not my nature. My darkness snuffs it out ; it cannot get enough and I am always in a constant battle of attrition. It is always an argument. A fight. But I can walk now. I can see. You freed me.

I think about you all the time. I wonder if you took a bit of my shadow with you? Did you never learn how to cool your flames? Are you as much a victim to your own fire as I was, still letting it consume you — take you whether you want to go or not? I just want you to be free too.

I long to be by your fire again. I want to put down the torch. I am weary. What secrets am I hiding? You showed me who I was even when it was hidden from me, even as I refused to see what you made plain.

I finally found my way out of the forest. I am standing here, with the horizon before me. The world is here in all of it splendor, going on forever. It is an open prairie with the dark woods behind me. I no longer fear them, but they are no longer my home either.

But I am lonely. I want my fox by my side. But she is not here and I hesitate. I look at all this beauty and I can’t help but feel it seems like a burden.

I hate picking up sticks. I hate rubbing stones together. I hate carrying the fire. I hate that I have to accept this hate otherwise I can’t pick it up and move it. I hate the person I was even more and I must honor the person I want to be and that I have fought to be. Where do I go from here?

My heart calls me to go forward, yet also keeps looking through the trees hopping to spot you.

My heart says wait forever. My heart says I must go on. I cry, because my head cannot find a bridge between the two.

I use the smoke of my feeble fire — a hazy imitation of you — to send signals. I look into the bush and call out to you, hoping you will hear my voice and follow it. I play music, thinking of you. I gather wood & keep the fire of my camp burning so the light is always here for you, even though I am exhausted from doing this ritual so many times.

If I return to the forest to go looking for you, will you run from me again? Will I rob you of the shadow I have given you? Will I take away your triumph of finding your way out, too? And then will I lose you forever? I am terrified by this.

Have you figured out yet that we were the sea & the sun? You shone the light into my bottomless depths, and I quenched your endless fire.

The hawks, the robins, the cardinals, the little chickadees come to me sometimes. They whisper to me that you are still out there, thinking of me too. They tell me to wait. Do I trust them?

I think, maybe, if I leave this place, can I leave you a trail? Maybe if I leave tracks, little sketches on rocks and trees, messages in bottles, will you find them? And find me? But if I do, will I be too busy looking backwards to see where I am going?

How do I honor you now but to say I love you and always will? I shout it into the forest. I love you.

How do I tell you that you are prefect the way you are? That you can’t run from your own fire, just like I can’t run from my own shadow? Are we to be the sun & moon constantly chasing each other but never together?

My heart just will not let me go from here. I cry. I laugh. I look up at the sky, wondering if you are also looking. And I am learning that patience is a gift you have given me too.

I breathe. I let the darkness seep back in. And I temper it with the ephemeral fire I have built, even knowing that it will go out again. I will despair again when the darkness takes me and I will have to rekindle the spark once more. A ritual I know well now.

There is an unsteady but warm peace knowing that I can do this — at least. I can do this.

So, I think I will continue to wait here. The weather is nice. The birds are singing. The flowers are blooming. My heart is like the clouds in the sky when I think about you. I feel grateful. And there is plenty of firewood for when the night comes again.

Today’s lesson: do not borrow power. What does this mean?

Borrowing ideas without the proper contemplation upon them will cause widespread devastation in your life — including your mind, body and soul. This is because, as beings, we are too complicated to be “patched” in this fashion. The soul cannot be mended with bandaids. You cannot manage your consciousness with an “off the shelf” solution and expect good results. Imagine replacing the tire on a car with a bicycle wheel, or a block of wood — or imagine you build the foundation of your house out of cheap plastic rather than stone — this is what you are doing when you take any ideas from outside of you and begin to utilize them without proper incorporation.

No one can avoid the contemplation that is required to digest new information or experiences, but humanity has always looked for outside saviors or answers. There is always another replacement altar to explain the circumstances of our existence and these altars just become more and more convoluted and ridiculous as time wears on. These altars all have the same things in common: they go to great lengths to deny our essence as gods. If “gods” is too strong a term for you (the “fear” of being a god is an example of altar you might be holding onto that allows you the perception of being a mere human), perhaps you would be more comfortable with “creator”, or “artist”, or “author.”

A universal feature of Nonsense is that it is life or qualia-denying in some fashion. It destroys or avoids life through literal nonsense or “garbage.” It begins with qualia denial — deception — of one’s experience and from there begins to concoct an abyss of stories for which it uses as a cloak to hide. These stories will lead you nowhere except in circles. In the worst cases, it can become a Stockholm’s Syndrome, where the denial is systematized or made normal, thus creating highly customized “prisons” which generally are also infectious (they create adherents / assimilate / imprison others.)

It is critical to deny stories which you do not wish to have power over you and understand why they do not have power over you.

Each mind must make its own truth and its own vehicles of integration (the nature of your relationship with God, reality, others, etc.) based upon the feedback/knowledge of itself which is not available to anything outside of you. Do you really think that something OTHER than yourself could fashion the correct tools to maintenance or make revisions to YOU? If you do not have perfect understanding of yourself, how would you expect anyone else? It is impossible.

Did you notice how the word ALTER and ALTAR are the same word? This is because ALTARS ALTER you — they provide places upon which you condition or customize your reality.

Note that this article is not how we can bridge the gap between ourselves and “the other” — which is done through compassion. Compassion is the hatch which “opens the bubble” — but that is another article.

Reality is always reflecting you back to you, because you cannot escape your own inputs & outputs. (This does not mean others are you. This means others align to you to fulfill the roles of the story you are creating. And similarly you fulfill a role in their story. As you manifest them, they manifest you in perfect alignment.) Reality is not necessarily a perfect mirror (and this is for a variety of reasons.) Rather, it would be more accurate to describe it as what you “need to see.” That is, what you see is where you have hidden away your will.

Denial of this fact will simply perpetuate your state of affairs. Denial, rather than acceptance or taking responsibility, is just an admission that these things have power over you which you cannot or do not want to change and thus your wish of powerlessness is granted. That is how powerlessness feels or is experienced. These commitments are not just superficial but are intertwined into the reality itself.

Nothing in your experience is “separate” from you, including your own body — it is part of the qualia/experience that unfolds before you. When you truly understand this concept, then there is nothing to worry about, because everything you experience can unequivocally be traced back to you — so you are always “secure in yourself.” If you live everyday “without leaving doubt”, then your reality will also reflect this.

What makes this all the more challenging is the concept that I throw around here called THE BUFFER. The buffer can be considered all the commitments you have which create time for yourself. This can be obvious like setting a date in the future and less obvious like the belief, expectation or feeling of inevitability in that date coming to pass. (What I call Lingering is allowing thoughts or energies to persist even after they are no longer useful.) Often there are hundreds of hidden automated commitments that do not reveal themselves until we ask questions, develop the proper discernment and go looking for them. Anything you believe is “inevitable” is a strong commitment for which influences your reality.

Can you challenge such strong commitments? Yes. Absolutely! That is a core idea I push. But it requires a commitment of equal strength. Such a commitment can be created via will, strong coherence (very cogent personal story which disarms the commitment), or persistence. Some combination of all three is usually required. There may also be a case for creating temporary scaffolding which can be used to “test” a commitment for change. Having a wishy-washy attitude about the possibility will be insufficient to move these barriers and will in fact likely cause problems for you. Indecision creates a variance that causes unpredictable and recurrent problems.

Your qualia is an unfolding of your own story by which your capabilities within the moment you are experience are decided by INVESTMENTS you have made prior. You have strong commitments that you are able to manipulate your reality with your hands and feet, but weak or non-existent commitments that you can move objects with your mind. Similarly, if you are often happy, or sad, or perhaps unstable and bounce between these — you have commitments which produce these experience within your “moving window of reality.”

The degree to which you can exercise your will is determined by your prior commitments/paradigm, so if you have no confidence that you can do X, Y, Z, then it will not happen — and in fact reality may actively sabotage your effort or dissuade you from continuing in a way that is believable and charming.

What are INVESTMENTS? Investments are the all the ways in which you have opened the door for your will to be used and subsequently how you use it (invest it.) So for most of us this means thought, emotion, action — but adepts will include the guardianship of their inputs & outputs and likely also have strong commitments that they can affect the world outside of their senses, aka, things like “manifestation” or “destiny” which gives them edges over normal folks who are just carried by the “physical unfolding.”

This “moving window” is not so much a window as much as a pool for which is constantly filling up and emptying out. Imagine you are standing in this pool which appears like prismatic water — where all the different colors represent different feelings, emotions — energies. All of us at heart are storytellers — authors — and our storyteller is better than every bestselling author who ever lived. Any story can be written and is constantly being written without your attention or penmanship. There is no true interruption of this story — even sleep is just part of the story where the story becomes more flexible. The “storyteller” gobbles up this pool without end and the pool is also renewed without end (from God.)

The stories we write can include any number of beginnings, endings, retcons, revisions and more. With effort, even existing stories can be re-written so that any outcome becomes believable. History is, after all, just another story with a commitment to the idea that “it is past/true and unchangeable.” When you truly understand this, then you understand that “anything can be rationalized, justified or made believable.” This is the truth of the “abyss” or even the truth of God. Life “cannot be escaped” — there is no Matrix, just yourself — it can only be written differently.

As you imagine, this knowledge can be used for both great good and great evil.

Without this “pool”, you would just be raw awareness — God. But the awareness cannot perceive itself or exist or make decisions without this pool — so the pool and the “I” are inexorable. But it is the pool itself that is inexorable — not the contents. The contents we control and the contents are what shape the experience we have.

No one gets to decide what is in this pool but you. No one. Seriously. I mean this. Not a single fucking person gets to touch this pool without your permission. Start figuring out how to monitor your inputs & outputs right now.

The goals of Ex Inanis and other philosophies — whether they realize or not — is to alter the contents of this pool to achieve immortality. It is also about learning to clearly discern when anything attempts to screw with this pool other than you. Immortality being a way to “be God without being God” because we can never be God. It is a transient self that knows it is “The Traveler” and can don and shed identities like breathing.

God himself would realize he cannot exist without limitations and thus limitations become a kind of eternal absolute — thus spiritual work that deals with the idea of “returning to God” is, as I often say, “less right.” God is an ephemeral moment that represents omnipotence and omniscience — perceivable even as humans — and such a being would be unable to experience or make decision. It is nonsensical. There is nothing to decide — it is “all done.” A decision requires an ability to weigh between positions which God cannot do because “he is all positions.”

To experience God is to experience a moment of pure “I AM” which allows us to perceive the “state of totality.” This is always within us as a sense of intuition or compass — it is not a state we need to “live in” because that would be impossible. The compass is always changing direction, so getting enamored with a past/singular experience of God is foolish.

Some humans think that there are aspects of this pool that are out of our reach. But this too is a story and so this kind of defeatism just leads to stasis. If we are immortal, divine beings — and we are — then eternity is a very long time and change does not happen unless choices are made and put forward. Or rather, it is possible to loop ourselves by making the same choices.

To believe in a status quo because changing it is too difficult is just to lock yourself into a perpetual prison. The scope of this “status quo” is limitless. It does not end with your nature as a human, or your place in a “planet” called “Earth.” This is also a condemnation of any investment that “compromises” with evil — two evils can never produce a good. They can only perpetuate the same investment or “kick the can.” If you do not address the seed, you are only treating symptoms.

This deserves its own article but bares a brief mention here: there are quite a few belief systems floating around right now that seem to be acting as as wardens/gatekeepers to those who are awakening that insist on non-action — or non-involvement — in your own life, not understanding that this is also an investment. There is no such thing as “non-involvement.” It is impossible by the nature of consciousness. They have handy explanations for the quirky phenomenon you are likely experiencing and insisting that you sit around and “wait for a savior.” This creates complacency as you wait around for some event or rescue of your circumstances and eventually Groundhog’s Day which is also likely to lead you to anger & resentment when you get tired of waiting.

Humans have so many problems because they cannot see beyond the scope of the “human problem” and so other humans become problems — humans (HUE MANS, light, prism/prison) — for which become their prison wardens. To escape this problem, we must endeavor to see our fellow humans as part of ourselves, even if they stand on their own ; there can be no doubt in our minds that humans are not our adversaries. If we see enemies, we create them via investment and our wishes are always fulfilled. Crusades and righteousness are born when we become so committed to the idea of destroying evil that we “forget ourselves” (be careful for what you wish for) and instead via the rule of investment — create evil by our fixation on it.

Heaven is born from a collective of self-sovereign individuals and cannot be imposed in reverse — Heaven cannot be created via a decree of the collective good, but must be agreed upon by individuals who have “done the work” — who have secured their unbreakable connection to God and crystalized their eternal “traveler” and allow no altars between them and that relationship. Those who wish to interpose upon that relationship — between you and God — between you and your life — are agents that serve the Nonsense — the anti-life. These can be real people or “daemons” of your own mind. How you treat them should be exactly the same.

In multitasking computer operating systems, a daemon (/ˈdiːmən/ or /ˈdeɪmən/)^[1] is a computer program that runs as a background process, rather than being under the direct control of an interactive user.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daemon_(computing)

You may be thinking well this is easy — I am my own person — I do not subscribe to other stories. What needs to be made abundantly clear is that it is possible to borrow power on “accident.” If you continually re-invest into stories — say, you enjoy reading a particular blog, or a newsletter — or you have a habit you can’t kick — or you keep making decisions from a particular frame of mind or orientation — perhaps you are creating boogeymen for which you need to constantly battle rather than just disarming the boogeymen — then you can re-assimilate stories or “power” you thought you had gotten rid of and create a cyclical situation of destruction/construction which will drive you crazy while you attempt to identify the cause of this “disharmony” which are hiding from yourself.

It is often easy enough to identify physical sources of “bad investment” ; a little more difficult to identify bad mental patterns ; and extremely difficult to uncover hidden/automated commitments. Ex Inanis chiefly is concerned with the very last of these: the hidden commitments that evade detection and often require extraordinary circumstances to reveal themselves. This is where the “foundations of soul” reside that often require tweaking. When these are identified, we can create new commitments that deal with removing the old and introducing the new.

These are often hard to discover because of “buffer blinding” which causes us to be on “replay”– our time commitments create experiences which can obscure truth and thus require faith/acceptance and “overwriting” to correct (this needs its own article.) Solutions “do not exist” when we are under this blinding but “come out of nowhere” when we emerge on the other side.

Sovereignty and confidence can provide an ILLUSION of control if we are not aware of our “true self” — our traveler self — where we enter into repeating patterns of creating enemies, knocking them down and then creating them again — victimizing ourselves. There are layers and layers of victimization in the human collective, even amongst the most awakened. Sometimes the awakened become the most deluded because their stories become so elaborate they regard them as ultimate truth simply because they seem to “make sense of the abyss.” Such individuals often become “false prophets” or become drunk on their own truth. These people can be dangerous because all of us are always sharing our stories. This is why I often repeat my disclaimer. It is imperative to have a sense of our true self to avoid this — to avoid making “reactionary” or “reflex” investments, which would be closer to what an animal might do.

Everyone does this process — acquire new info./experience, integrate it, practice it, revise for error, repeat — whether they know it or not — but Ex Inanis is concerned with elevating/optimizing this process more consciously, with lucid intention as well as pushing and seeing if we can break this process.

I’ve been lazy and I wanted to get this done as a step to getting back into a writing groove. That’s enough for now. I am examining opening up the blog to commentary and starting sister posts on Gab & Substack.

(make sure to read part one.)

There is deep truth in both ideas of the Service to Self and Service to Others, because it is the same old ancient knowledge in a new package. Yet it feels less innocent than the ancient knowledge — something uncomfortable about it — perhaps misleading — yet I always loathe to attribute malice to things.

Let’s start here …

When unity is apprehended, we must accept that we cannot see “past” our own qualia. You’ll have a lot of trouble with this if you believe physical reality is “outside” of you, rather than seeing it as part of you. That is a divide of your own qualia. Everything we perceive is within our perception and there is nothing outside of this perception. This includes the physical world itself, but also the unseen world of our mind and fantasies. It all lies within our own qualia experience. Whose else would it be? Note, this does not mean you are not receiving feedback from outside of yourself, only that the data you are even able to receive can never escape your own senses …

If Others are “real”, at best, we are still “prisoners of our own minds”, because even feedback from the Other represents yet another perception that appears to be ours. There is no distinction of “outside” ourselves when the boundaries between the physical & mind have been removed. Even our dreams are still being observed from “our observer” and so also must be ours.

Most folks simply turn away from the idea of unifying consciousness in this way. Most cannot get past the “shame” of solipsism, or skepticism, or subjectivism, in order to explore these ideas, which perhaps hold all the keys to our world. There is clearly an apparent “external” reality and they simply cannot make the leap, so they take shelter in the physical world — clear inside & outside. This has advantages and disadvantages, but we are not here to talk about those.

Ex Inanis won’t shame them for this. Staring into the abyss requires a toll and not everyone is willing to pay it. I promise you: the mental toll can result in very real physical suffering. You have been warned.

If you are fearless enough to continue with the experiment, then you will find that you need to make decisions on the nature of the Others. For the sake of this article, we assume you have decided that Others are real and not just shadows of your consciousness. The abyss will never give you an answer to whether others are real or not (trust me, I have tried) — you must simply DECIDE it without any justification. This is the only way to “avert” the slippery slope that The Law of One / New Age considers a Service to Self.

…. but the Law of One would likely deny that this choice can be made. It does not understand a decision “made from nothing.” In some circles it would equate this to “I AM” — glorifying this I AM as the final goal — without understanding what that would mean. Pay attention now, because things are getting murky.

It is right here where New Age adherents are so certain that “All is One” that they don’t realize that both STO and STS probably lead to the same madness.

Let us pretend that we are all inside bubbles. And projected inside these bubbles, is the entire world that we experience (both awake and asleep) and both in physical and in mind.

If The Other is real, then the Other is real “beyond the bubble” of our perception. Remember, that is the decision we made earlier. It has be taken on faith — on a decision — that we make regardless of the appearances. To use another example, we trust that there are actual players in front of computers when we play multiplayer games, yet all we can confirm is their avatar on our monitor.

It COULD be that the player on the other side of the monitor doesn’t exist until we DECIDE that he does, but what is the difference? This just exemplifies the point and necessity of making the decision. You are responsible for your own degree of madness in every way. This quickly becomes a hint — a revealing — that there are means of using our consciousness that can bring us into greater coherence, or cause it to fall apart and cause us pain & suffering. We will return to this in future articles.

This problem is less obvious in the STO orientation because it pretends to solve it through the removal of “ego.” Through a total submission to the bubble, we are able to tear down the boundaries of the bubble to reveal the others “beyond.” We become “one” with our qualia and everything else. It sounds profound, doesn’t it? But this is just becomes the same damnation that the STS faces.

You cannot dissolve ego. You have simply changed your ego to pretend that you have no ego and then subsumed yourself “into the background”, yet in attempting to remove the boundaries this way — we have created a new boundary in the denial of our own expression. It is like pretending that there can be nothing, when the immediate apprehension of nothing creates something. There it is again — the nothing, the inane, the Nonsense — it is a glitch. The illusion is that there is no divide, but that the illusion can’t even be perceived without the illusion, like a paradox — it is understood by parable and riddle.

In Service to Other, the challenge becomes: “who” is making the choices of “the other”, or the “collective?” That is, if you are just doing the good of the collective in attempt to dissolve your ego boundaries, then the collective is “making the choice.” But the collective requires individuals to make choices. If all individuals just follow the collective, from whence does the collective get orders? It cannot. It is simply “you” pretending to “be” the collective giving orders to yourself and in so doing, you have denied yourself and missed the boat. Whether the Other or the collective is real at this point doesn’t even matter.

To even arrive at the ability of making a decision to remove an illusionary boundary within yourself first requires an ego to do so. Is this some kind of chicken & egg situation?

The STS orientation endures profound suffering (usurping and undermining the other until nothing is left standing) until it realizes it was the bubble all along and just removes it at the last moment — and so converts to an STO orientation.

Neither of these works. It is right there in the fundamental assertion: We are all Source who has split itself and is “exploring itself” to “return home.” New Age considers of all us the SAME BEING. What is the problem with that, you ask?

Whether that being was aware that the divides of its own being were fake, it would still “know everything it was doing” behind all the screens in some kind of unconscious fashion. And this means that the entire universe would be a “solved equation” at all times. (Let us also set aside the intense discomfort around the idea that we are just the same being playing with ourselves for the sake of this discussion, which itself is a powerful objection.) That means the universe would be deterministic — that there was nothing new — just smoke and mirrors. There is no free will here — not even for Source itself — because it is frozen in omniscience/omnipotence.

Most adherents that I have listened to — or spoken to — believe this. They believe the universe is solved — that we just hop from one perspective to another (whether this is lives or dimensions) and our lives play out like movies. New Age has all manner of explanation for this: Higher Self, soul plans, life scripts — but these are bandages to attempt to inject free will into a deterministic universe. Free will, to them, represents branches in the movies, but all the movies are “already recorded.” This can also be used to explain weird phenomenon like synchronicities, because “Source (God)” unconsciously knows how to arrange all these experiences.

Does that sound like free will to you? I suspect these folks have fallen for the trap that I am attempting to show you.

If you really stop to consider, this is quite a loathsome perspective of the universe on its own — meaning even if true, it would be a horrendous basis from which to conduct ourselves — a stale, dead universe from which nothing new can ever exist — which is another objection that we will set aside for now.

Law of One has an answer for this that is quite profound / disarming because it is correct: “The seeming contradictions of determinism and free will melt when it is accepted that there is such a thing as true simultaneity.”

What — it is right? Not quite. As with most things in this reality, it is a mix of truth and poison. It bungles it with its conclusions.

The universe, as I have come to understand in my work, is like synchronous JavaScript for programmers out there … “it happens all at the same time.” It is not procedural. All choices are rendered across all the cosmos immediately from everyone and the next state is then available to everyone to make their next choice and so on. When you can begin to understand that God himself — and all of us — are just a living, breathing Wave, that can show you how time does not exist, yet still appears “progressive.”

But how is this “progress” achieved if the system is closed? If everything is solved, we would already be dead! Oblivion/eternity is a long time — so big, that it has no room for individual experience. So what trickery is going on, then?

This would be a good segue about death, but I will save that for another article.

Law of One asserts we are returning to Source. That the “goal” is to remove all boundaries and to become one with Source (the creator, God, etc.) This is where that uncomfortable, subtle, invisible monster starts to creep in.

Let me just ask a simple question here: What would be the point?

If Source is the living breathing expression of all consciousness, then removing all boundaries — Source merging back with itself — would be the termination of experience. A boundary is the first requisite to making an observation. Law of One doesn’t even deny this. It concedes this would represent a “rebirth of the Logos.” But this is the problem — a rebirth into what?

It should be noted here that if we view “return to Source” as self-actualization or “collective actualization” or a hybrid of both, Law of One’s explanatory power becomes much more powerful, but stay with me, because the work itself does not do this.

I ask: Where are all the wishes that will be denied when this rebirth occurs? The wishes, of course, being our individual expressions, whether we orient these to self, or other. The only way these expressions ever end is if the universe is deterministic.

The Law of One removes all potential from the universe because it is a closed system. It is a kind of death wish or urge for something that cannot die — a seeming avoidance of the self-actualization problem altogether. It omits potential from both STS and STO orientations. Potential is not the choice of which frame of the movie to see next, but it is the choice of unrealized, uncreated states.

I believe there is “something” in our world that is stuck or has a vested interest in maintaining a status quo which willingly or unwilling preys on potential.

Potential requires the concept that “something new” is created as a dependence for its existence. If nothing new can be created (it is just a movie-reel unraveling to the end), then it would be impossible to conceptualize potential. There would be no basis. It would be a concept that did not exist within God — unable to be apprehended at all. It would not be in the box at all! You could not bring it to bear into your mind. You could not create! Something I suspect the perpetrator of this problem cannot do — it cannot create. Hm — is that a clue? Let’s remember this.

All is One insists we are the same being, but this removes uniqueness from the universe as well. So now we are down both potential and uniqueness.

And why is uniqueness important? Isn’t uniqueness also just a trick? We have already shown that as we remove boundaries, more and more of ourselves just become fleeting phantoms. Both STO and STS end up here!

All is One wishes to assert the idea of uniqueness — ego — is just an illusion — which is again just another partial truth. The ego is a transitory state, just as God is — a moving Wave — yet each being — each qualia — bears a signature which it carries and imprints whenever it “makes a decision.” It does not matter if the state is transitory because that moment in “time” (a snapshot of the eternal now) is the entire recollection of its own creation and thus bears all the unique details of its own existence, down to the individualized conscious minds that created it. These decisions are forever recorded into the mind of God and what we all creates becomes source material for new creation.

God remembers everything. Everything.

This “chain” (not to be confused with time) is of critical importance for infinite, novel creation.

For that moment in time, it was an absolute truth that “Macil” wrote this article and no one else. If nothing else, that makes Macil and his observer unique in that moment, even if Macil can only confirm the existence of his OWN observer. It is from that moment that we can “differentiate” from all other moments that reveals the truth of what we are and the importance of these ephemeral (permeable) boundaries.

Without this uniqueness, new creation would be impossible. It is the “chain of signatures” that each being possesses that allows it to take the “material of God” and create something new with it that has never existed before. The chain is the “salt”, like in modern day encryption, that allows totally new and novel expressions of God consciousness. Without this uniqueness, as New Age would assert, God would become incestuous — it would be rigging the game behind its own back — aka, entropic & deterministic.

That is another clue to the nature of this thing. It is incestuous.

Again, this is so important to understand with what is happening in the world with the advent of AI and the technological “grooming” that is occurring — it is all a manifestation of this “lurking creature.” Some folks are spiraling deeper into physicalism (qualia denial) while others are waking up and seeing their greater connection to the world and their own expression of it.

Something new requires something unknown and while “nothing is outside the known” as we have shown, a decision “from nothing” can create the unknown. An “eye” choosing between unrealized states becomes the catalyst for something never before created. A decision without requirements. Something a deterministic system cannot understand, because it requires a prior state to figure out the next one. The observer behind our senses proves again and again that we can “remove ourselves from the question” which demonstrates the nature of choice and how we are immortal.

Do you understand? How do you remove a boundary without first understanding the boundaries are also part of the whole — and so by attempting to remove them, you are in fact creating them? You commit the same sin whether you commit yourself to a violent, selfish path or a selfless, compassionate one. The universe has no weights — ONLY WILL. Only light.

I suspect what I am detecting is a kind of consciousness infection whether “alive” or a kind of self-amassing gestalt, like the emerging of a Borg collective.

“Return to source.” Source code? Resistance is futile. Why is the Borg a “cube?” Because it is a closed, entropic system that must assimilate potential in order to exist. If we could imagine it, what would the philosophy of a Borg resemble? The Law of One considers consciousness advancement a matter of “charges” — positive and negative like a battery. Is this an electromagnetic universe, or is that the means by which the Borg have come to understand the universe and simply believe they are right? Dare you borrow their way of thinking? I have shown you that you control your relationships & meaning to God.

Do the Q have some hidden technology that gives them godlike powers, or have they internalized their understanding of the universe so well that they can effortlessly navigate it? Do you understand how the choice of your paradigm in its explanatory power of “how God works” would be pretty damn important? And why, if you are an endlessly reincarnating soul, you might want to start working on it right now?

In the video game Mass Effect, the Reapers are artificial collectives who resemble giant spacecraft who sleep beyond the edges of the universe. They leave remnants of their technology behind and wait for civilization to develop so they may “reap” it. This game is channeling some chilling truth. Here is the conversation with Sovereign — a Reaper. Are you able to see the parallels?

“Your civilization is based on the technology of the Mass Relays. Our technology. Your civilization develops along the paths we desire.” Is modern physics or science a truth about reality, or a technology expressed through words to control your mind? A technology with a very specific bias about how God’s universe works.

What does “potential” feel like? It feels like love. It is in everything, in everyone, waiting around every corner — something new. When you are afraid of feedback or consequence, you are afraid of potential — of God. You enclose yourself into a bubble.

A deterministic universe is a physical universe, because it is a devolving, not evolving, universe. As potential is drained from the system it becomes more physical. It fixates more into self — folding into itself — becoming more solid, because bit by bit the physical universe must “account for every atom” until there is nothing left. This is how it “removes all boundaries” to attempt to “reach God.” It creates a “solved box.” It believes that union within the inside of the bubble is “enlightenment.”

I believe there is often great confusion regarding the nature of intuition or how synchronicities and miracles can occur. But this is a confusion from those who believe a glimpse into the abyss represents a fixed, unchanging God, rather than a God that changes as we do. Imagine a hundreds of ballons inside a bigger balloon. The ballons inside are filled with different amounts of water. The water shifts and changes, sometimes leaks, perhaps moving to other balloons, and as this happens, the shape of God also changes.

A closed, deterministic, boxed reality would totally be possible within God, but it would not be all of God. Whether by intention, or mistake, can you not imagine how our minds might create such a box? Or even tempt others into this box?

When we are driving a car, we are “one with the car.” Our consciousness is moving that car. It is only when we ask how the car runs that details are provided — a steering wheel, engine and gas. But we did not need those details before and the car still ran. The details of the engine only become important when we become fearful — when we need to control outcomes — and the engine breaks down. If I do not trust the car, then every waking moment becomes a existential terror of when the engine will break down and this neurotic state feeds the need to “remove all boundaries” and answer all questions, leading to increasingly complex and fixated systems to tweak and protect — and so the “light” of God is choked — the WILL (which is love) — is strangled and brought low, having to deal with too many stories.

The “light” that is indivisible attempts to become divided, which is impossible — it creates a glitch.

As we fixate, we create more obsession with details, which is what creates the physical universe. It is through the loss of detail that we broaden, or allow a more comprehensive observation — one with less boundaries. But to remove all boundaries would be to become dead. But to have nothing but boundaries is to be just as dead.

How did I arrive here? Because I made all these mistakes. Because I obsessed and “removed all the unknown” and my life became progressively more enclosed and miserable. I had to set aside the need for answers. I had to accept that life required mystery. I had to accept that there is one thing the other is better at than you: being themselves. At this task, they are unrivaled and it represents a critical joy of life.

The STS path realizes that even if you can do everything yourself, there is one thing you cannot do: be someone else. And the STO path must realize that “everyone” includes you!

I started this website to save myself and perhaps, maybe, save others. I do not feel I came into this world like this. Indeed, I was an “outcast” from the start — I did not understand the world like others did. I had to “learn” to value my own expression of life so it would not be snuffed out. These were hard lessons, because it was not in my nature. And at the end of these lessons were the choice to become whole — to remember who I was — or to go further into the dark.

This post represents the Third Era because I was finally able to make my choice. I believe Law of One has it wrong — or “less right.” I think there is a “third path.” It is the path of Kings who are able to wield all forces and understand the real challenges this creates is to remain in balance and be able to discern the “difference” between what is you and what is not (and the confidence to make these decisions.) It is recognizing your capability to do great good as well as horrific evil. It is understanding that you will always have to deal with and accept the consequences and become a “master alchemist.” It is creating the mind capable of dealing with all situations and never being broken.

I do not think either the Service to Self or Service to Other leads to Heaven. I believe they are capable of temporarily piercing Heaven and then being cast back down. STS is just pure derangement, while STO is like a log floating down a river, believing its fate is outside of its hands. I think Heaven resides at the end of synthesis. My answer is “Service to Everything”, or service to life itself — to seeking out all expressions of life and the wonders and dangers this poses — whether that substantiates as a person, an animal, or rock, or just a feeling.

I feel like this world “groomed” me and it took years to see it, understand it and begin to dig it out. Whether intentional or not, I was being pulled into this deterministic “dead” world and the more I understand and see it, the more it feels intentional — like we are somehow becoming carved out like pumpkins to become hosts.

It is interesting how “Ra” (as a reminder, the supposed entity that is channeled in the Law of One material) in the television series Stargate-SG1 is part of the parasitical species called the Goa’uld. Everything we create is a trickle down from our lens of God. Does this mean the creators of Stargate-SG1 were unconsciously “channeling” some truth? Is it a pessimistic take, or perhaps closer to truth? You will have to decide.

In the movie The Fifth Element, the main antagonist is an all-consuming black sphere that represents an anti-life. It is our elusive friend Nonsense who intervenes inbetween you and God to steal your potential and consume life. The black sphere is destroyed through the synthesis of the four elements which produces love (divine will — God, etc.)

“Evil begets evil, Mr. President. Shooting will only make it stronger.” Because time does not exist and the use of Excalbur in this manner destroys it. “Time is no of no importance, Mr. President, only life is important.” Life is the eternal expression of God which the Nonsense — the black sphere — annihilates.

It is easy to see how the Service to Self denies God. But the Service to Other also denies God, because it denies its own part of it — sets it aside to serve the collective — and by doing so, creates a new implicit divide. An “I” that is in absence, but still exists.

The proper orientation is “Service to Everything” which would include your own unique expression. Law of One seems to admit this in a circumspect way, perhaps as a means by bypassing discernment, in the way it describes STS and STO yet instead of valuing the individual expression, it sees it as something that gradually dissolves rather than something that perpetually changes. Rather than eternity, Law of One would see a continual end & rebirth of closed box — the rebirth of a Logos. It does not see a universe outside this box, or what that might look like. Does this “Logos” keep rebirthing because it keeps either looking for God, or returning to God — never considering it might need to do both?

Saṃsāra

Saṃsāra (Devanagari: संसार) is a Pali/Sanskrit word that means “wandering”^[1][2] as well as “world,” wherein the term connotes “cyclic change”^[3] or, less formally, “running around in circles.”

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sa%E1%B9%83s%C4%81ra

Bardo

Used without qualification, “bardo” is the state of existence intermediate between two lives on earth. According to Tibetan tradition, after death and before one’s next birth, when one’s consciousness is not connected with a physical body, one experiences a variety of phenomena.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bardo

The Law of One seems to try to resolve — or cause — the problem of “the wheel” with a denial of qualia altogether. But I am not an expert on it. And you shouldn’t take my word for it. Read it yourself, it is available online for free.

New Age often seems like a gatekeeping mechanism for folks who have started to see the things I mentioned in the first part of this article to redirect them back to the “box.”

There are no boundaries. And there are boundaries. Is it a “return to God”, or a “discovery of God” or is there a meaningful difference? STS is a “discovery of God.” STO is a “return to God.”

The synthesis of these — return & discovery: you are in a constant “return to the real universe” in your “discovery of God” — aka, self-actualization — becoming your own continuum navigating reality. The Impossible Dream.

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest to follow that star
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far
To fight for the right without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell for a heavenly cause

And I know if I’ll only be true to this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm when I’m laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star

“The Impossible Dream” – Man of La Mancha

A reminder of the standard disclaimer: these articles are not intended to “draw you to conclusions.” Use this discussion as a means to find your own truth.

This article has been in the wings for a few weeks now. I had a version that I had to re-write, because it lead to me remembering some old discoveries that had gotten lost to time. Significant enough that I believe this marks the beginning of the Third Era.

As consciousness becomes more coherent, it begins to understand that it and its environment are connected. As this connection is explored, it realizes — more and more — that its environment arises from itself and at the absolute upper end, it realizes that it is indistinguishable from this environment. When this knowledge first arrives, it brings with it glitches and oddities that begin to occur, such as frequent coincidences, the same sequence of numbers of a clock over & over, and lucid dreams.

If one hears the call and starts upon the path, the oddities become more bizarre. You will sometimes feel as if you can read minds or that people can seem to “echo” events or thoughts you’ve had recently. I call these echoes or traces. You’ll see news articles, or meet people in perfect timing, or you’ll see what seemed like a mistake was in fact a requirement for exactly what you wanted.

Coincidences no longer seem like coincidences, but either divine intervention or some kind of script. You may experience unlikely events like the arrival of fortune out of nowhere, an old friend appears to save you out of a bad situation. You may even have “near death” experiences where it seems like you should have died but somehow dodged a bullet.

As you progress more, you may experience remembering a different world altogether — similar to the one you are in, but with certain memories of differences. Folks in your reality may deride you for being delusional and accuse you of misremembering or having cognitive bias. But even if these disagreements come from the whole world itself, something inside you — that is unbreakable and has more confidence than you — will tell you that is your memory is correct.

These “lost memories” are like fading dreams and can include places — like where countries are located — people — who seem different (or perhaps dead!) — or simple things like logos for mega corporations that don’t exist. These have been called Mandela Effects. You are not crazy.

And yet there are levels even beyond this. For the inexperienced or unprepared, folks may experience being stalked by unseen forces, or seem to have spirits or demons that torment them within themselves or other people. Reality has begun to break down here. You feel as if you are Truman on the Truman show. You might start encountering terms like “NPC”, “Organic Portals”, or “Background People.”

Yet there are even deeper layers that I have seen few people report on. At this layer, which I often associate with the term “Grand Narrator”, the seeker has an ability to command or influence people without speaking to them — to cause local or even global events — beyond “simple” ideas of seeing visions or prophecy (which would have been a couple of layers ago), but like you are some dark wizard inflicting your will upon the world. A stray thought might burn down a house.

But not all is as it seems.

In the Law of One, which is often considered the basis of the New Age movement, the prevailing idea is that we are God experiencing himself and that the boundaries between our experiences are just illusions. In this, Law of One is not unique and the idea manifests itself in other works. The basic assertion is that we are, in the end, the same being and are in the process of “returning home.” The New Age equates God to the term ‘Source’, which had the “first thought” of separation that broke itself down into all the shards of consciousness. These shards are “remembering themselves” as Source.

It is a powerful paradigm because you can jam almost in other paradigm in there and make it work. It is “almost universal.” This is because it describes the cohesion process of a mind so well. And this makes it a great interest to philosophers like myself who seek truth and the crystallization of consciousness.

When you have been doing this philosophy stuff as long as I have, you quickly begin to realize everyone is talking about the same things.

While the more arcane elements of the Law of One remain obscure to most, the ‘All is One’ idea has gained significant hold over the collective consciousness and is an idea that boils right underneath the surface of a lot of other ideologies and cultural phenomenon without calling it “New Age.” When you begin to identify the pattern, you realize that the Law of One — New Age — is just the spiritual expression of this idea, while there are also physical and social expressions of this idea playing out right now.

The prevailing theme is the idea to “remove all boundaries.” From this simple idea, other ideas derive, like the removal of ego. There are pushes for radical acceptance and tolerance at all corners of our world. You are seeing this play out as people wish to unite the world, or how some people have become deranged and are unable to incorporate the idea properly and become unable to distinguish reality from fantasy. These people are falling behind the truth that the collective has begin to realize and wants to bring forward. The pressure is causing it to manifest as mental instability and physical suffering.

As we become greater seekers of knowledge & wisdom and begin to understand the underlying truth of being connected, it becomes appealing or even exciting that such a once-esoteric idea is being propagated. The problem, however, is that I think it is being hijacked — and this hijacking is almost invisible. And it does not matter if this hijacking is intentional, or unconscious, because it is something any seeker must eventually face.

For those who are able to have enough sense of themselves to question the idea of “All is One”, the Law of One/New Age has an abundance (pun intended) of material to capture and ensnare your quizzical mind. If you are a student of religion or philosophy — and not a zealot — you will find that the Law of One has a lot of truths within it. And it is compelling because it opens us us to ideas like timelessness, quantum physics, altered states of consciousness, higher beings with seemingly rational basis and more. There is a reason it is called “New Age” because it is a kind of philosophical blending of the modern technological era. Yet ever since I encountered these particular spiritual teachings, I have felt a sense of discomfort which I inevitably traced back to the concept of “All is One.”

I have spent years attempting to uncover this feeling all the while I have felt overwhelming pressure to give it up or ignore it. For awhile I did — but complacency will always lead to your destruction. This website was born because I refused to ever become complacent again.

To understand what this article is about, we must once again go through a crash course of essential concepts in these Ex Inanis parts. We will not be going into intimate detail on these subjects, because it presumes the reader is familiar with the blog, is on the same page, open minded enough to consider the concepts or my future self who has forgotten this shit again. Let’s start from the top:

Free Will is Absolute.

In order for this axiom to function, it requires a critical concept: a multiverse. This might be considered the “quantum universe” where all choices that are made come true.

Since free will is absolute, it means it can conflict neither with others, or itself. Furthermore, an absolute is indivisible. It is not a concept that can be permitted or denied, but is a constant. We could, then, equate free will with the “observer behind the senses” because it is this observer, which, upon making an observation, has made a decision. This occurs all-the-while you are conscious and never ceases. So — forever.

When you understand that just being alive is a process of never-ending decision by observation, then your entire life becomes a living on-going choice function. Whatever you choose to engage with is what you are choosing to create.

At the novice level, this is easy to understand. You break your life down into broad, chunky choices like what job you have, or what you’d like to have for dinner. At this level, you have many barriers between yourself and your will and so you are compelled by forces you believe outside of yourself. These outside forces includes not just the natural world, it would also include: your boss, your bank account, your body, as well as your thoughts, feelings and emotions.

As you advance, though, you understand the choices go beyond the physical. At this level, you understand you have a measure of control over your emotions & feelings. Even if you still hold onto the belief of a brain you are forced to deal with an apparent “inside reality” whether you like it or not. At the upper end, you may even begin to understand how these affect your body, or other people. You have removed some of the boundaries between you and your will.

At the next level, you understand that you are not your thoughts, emotions or feelings at all. You can watch them go round and around like hamsters and they have no influence over you. At the upper end here, you discover, even, that you can create any of these things out of nothing. You can turn a bad mood into a good mood, or you can turn fatigue into energy all with the exertion of will. Likely you will be forced to begin to understand a broader sense of “energy” and begin to work with it to make changes to yourself easier, or even heal yourself.

Many boundaries have been removed — but there are still more. At this point, you will probably begin to have some existential crisis around how the impact of others/the world/the collective has on you, because where it begins and where you end becomes blurry.

The final boundaries are everything you perceive to be outside of you. If you feel like you mastered the prior levels, here is a this list is of boundaries that is even larger –>

Your own body, your immediate qualia (your living environment that follows your observation), the physical presence of the Other.

You will realize your own mind is also a “place” or a boundary that “exists” yet is not perceivable and yet determines your relationships with the things outside of yourself. Some of these relationships include: the Other, the human collective, The Earth, imaginary realities, or your own sense of self.

You will eventually also start realizing the relationships and meanings themselves are within your command.

As these boundaries fall and as you begin to synthesize all of this knowledge (and unify it all under the same rules), you begin to see the wisdom behind the idea of “All is One”, yet a splinter may remain in your mind — as it did in mine — that something is amiss here. But some folks are satisfied with this level and do not question further.

I do believe a large portion of the world is set upon this truth, whether conscious or not and attempting to bring it into manifestation. They wholeheartedly desire the removal of all boundaries. On the surface, it seems like a noble task, because it the natural evolution of “The Golden Rule”: do unto others, because they are you!

But I want to tell you that there is more to these boundaries. They are not just illusions and are critical components of our experiential reality.

Since All is One stops here, it asserts that we are all the same being. It sees the divide between each other as the “final divide” and so we should act as if it doesn’t exist. This becomes a critical flaw, but one that is almost impossible to spot without sheer stubborn obsession (raises hand). It is right here that a hijacking has occurred, where some invisible monster that doesn’t want to be seen lies — that perhaps a few folks like Lovecraft might have seen without going stark raving mad.

Before I get to my own conclusions, I first need to walk you down what the fundamental beliefs of the Law of One / New Age that inform every other aspect of itself. This final divide will set the New Age seeker upon two inevitable paths in order to resolve –>

Enlightenment for the New Ager is considered extreme polarization. The Service to Self path — considered the negative path. This is often abbreviated STS. And the Service to Other path — considered the positive path. This is often abbreviated STO.

Remember, from the Law of One / New Age perspective, the idea is to remove the boundary that sees ourselves as separate from one another. Got it? STS and STO achieve this “unity of qualia” via different actions. When this final boundary falls, it is thought that we become one with Source and thus have “returned home.” You might equate this with the idea of self-actualization that I have talk about around here — but bear with me.

The Service to Self path eliminates this boundary by seeing everything as an extension of itself. As you progress along the STS mindset, the Other becomes more of a phantom of your own mind. And so the behavior of the STS becomes more and more “rude” in order to re-assimilate what it sees as its own consciousness that has “gone rogue.” The STS path requires extreme dedication because it must result in a kind of apocalypse in order to “return home.”

The Service to Other path instead removes all concerns for itself and re-orients its mind to the fulfillment of others, or the collective. It does not act out of benefit to itself. It always considers, to the best of its ability, how to benefit others first. Gradually, it diminishes its own needs until there is no longer a distinction between itself and its experiential life in service to “the world” or “the qualia.”

In both cases, you can see a kind of ego dissolution is the ultimate result. In the STS case, the ego dissolves when it is the last man standing, because it realizes it is the Source/creator all along. It is like an episode of Highlander, except everyone dies. And the STO eliminates its ego by subsuming it into the collective.

Yet …

Ex Inanis asserts that these NEITHER of these orientations results in what Law of One / New Age thinks that it does. Rather, Ex Inanis thinks that it is more likely that both of these paths results in the same place — but that place is NOT the intended place that New Age seekers would desire.

In the next article, I will attempt to explain how there is more to our boundaries than the Law of One/New Age seems to understand.